Imagine having so few problems in life that you write to the Augusta Chronicle about George Clooney's wedding.
No pie and coffee.
If you're going to steal an entire aesthetic, you might as well go all the way, you know?
"…but our waitress looks just like that Laura Palmer girl."
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
"God bless the Confederacy!"
With that statement, Mr. Turner, you lose any and all credibility.