Guilt-free resolutions make year much easier

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

-- Carl Jung

By this time next month, the new year will be well under way, and many of you will already be breaking those vaunted New Year's Resolutions.

Not me.

That's because I am -- as usual -- ahead of the trend curve.

I keep Old Year's Resolutions.

Yep. Why start a new year with the expectation of failure of tempted shortcomings?

I skip the guilt by pretty much doing what I want for the first 11 months of the year, then ending with one final burst of good habits.

That's why this December I'm eating less, flossing more and obeying traffic signals. I'm kind to old people and gentle with children.

I read a Bible chapter every day and say my prayers every night.

So far, so good.

And if I can't keep it up, well ... there's always next year.

It will be here before you know it.

LITTLE EARS: Kaye Blakey of Martinez writes: "Over the Thanksgiving weekend, my brother and his 6-year-old daughter went to the grocery store to pick up a few last-minute items. A gentleman in Ingle's parking lot (Wilkes County) was experiencing the unfortunate situation of a dead battery. He yelled over to my brother 'Would you mind "jumping off" my truck for me?' My brother looked at my niece and noticed a concerned look on her face. He asked if everything was all right and she answered: 'Daddy why does that man want you to jump off his truck? Are you going to jump off the front or the back?'

"That same day my brother gave his 5-year-old son permission to let Maggie, the large family dog, lay on the sofa with him and watch TV. With this, my nephew responded, 'Don't worry, Daddy, I'll make sure she doesn't watch anything on TV that is bad or will make her scared.' "

"The sweet innocent minds of young children was one of many things I was thankful for this Thanksgiving Holiday," Kaye said.

TODAY'S JOKE: Billy Cooper, the sage of North Augusta, shares this one.

It seems a big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled for trial before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

The railroad attorney cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that dang bull came home this morning."

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.