On this day of sales, remember salespeople

If men liked shopping, they'd call it research.

-- Cynthia Nelms

On this day known for shopping, I remember what it was like to be in sales.

Specifically I recall that time of my college years that I spent as a shoe salesman.

I was not good at it, although the experience did teach me something about women. For example, if one told you her shoe size, go back in the storeroom and get the next largest size.

It saved time.

I also could have learned tact, but didn't.

"How do they look?" a matronly woman might ask. I would respond with the honest idealism of the early 1970s: "Sort of ugly, ma'am."

The experience probably pushed me into journalism, a profession where you are encouraged to tell the truth, although there is little guarantee it will be popular.

BUMPER STICKER: Bill Wood, of Hephzibah says he saw: "Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you would like to meet him."

JOKE LEFTOVERS: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?

(The outside.)

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?

(Yes. A building can't jump at all.)

MORE MAIL: Bill and Sonja sent a post card from New Zealand and say "Pictures do not do it justice!"

Doris and Marty Charnock sent one card from Pine Mountain, Ga., and Wild Animal Safari. "Rather than sit on a plane for 24 hours," they wrote, "why not drive over here and see the same animals as in Africa?"

They also sent a card showing a reconstructed Israelite house and gate area at Exploration in Antiquity Center Museum in LaGrange, Ga. They write: "A great place to feel connected to Christ."

TODAY'S JOKE: Peggy Belger shares this one, just in time for the holidays.

There were four country churches in a small Texas town: the Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover over the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later the squirrels were back.

But -- the Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.

Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.