We predict 2012 will arrive in 26 months

It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.

-- Pierre Elliott Trudeau

A popular movie -- 2012 -- debuted last week predicting the end of the world in three years.

The inspiration comes, we are told, from a flawed interpretation of the ancient Mayan calendar.

It's an entertaining idea, although I wonder about giving any credence to the ancient Mayans for predicting our demise when they failed to predict their own.

Besides, as I told my Sunday school class, the Bible says nobody knows when the world will end -- and that includes jungle-dwelling, Central American astronomers.

Still, the concept has its advantages. I'm now thinking of spending my son's college fund, because the end of the world will probably inhibit efforts at higher education.

On the practical side, it will bring a fitting conclusion to the BCS football bowl system.

I also plan to bring up this 2012 business the next time my wife suggests the house needs painting.

"It only has to last three more years," I'll tell her.

Darned useful, those Mayans.

GENDER ADVANTAGE: Speaking of manly chores, I am reminded again there are several advantages to being a guy.

- The garage is all yours.

- Wedding plans take care of themselves.

- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

- Car mechanics tell you the truth.

- You don't care if someone notices your new haircut.

- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too yucky.

- Wrinkles add character.

- Wedding dress, $5,000; tux rental, $100.

WHAT'S YOUR HURRY? Everett Fernandez shares these observations of slow people -- the ones I always seem to encounter during the holidays.

- Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don't know each other.

- They drive side by side, too. If they can't find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.

- Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rear view mirrors, either.

- Slow people drift sideways so they'll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed.

- Follow a slow person in the grocery store and you'll wind up with soggy ice cream.

TODAY'S JOKE: Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. One, a pastor's son, said, "Well, my dad owns hell."

"No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?"

The preacher's son said, "I heard mom tell grandma that the church deacons gave it to him last night."

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com