If luggage is required, I'll stay put

Travelers, like poets, are mostly an angry race.

-- Sir Richard Francis Burton

My wife was flipping over the calendar Saturday and noticed two things: First, that the school vacation season is almost over, and second, we hadn't gone anywhere.

I held my tongue because I was secretly applauding another summer of travel avoidance.

I've never really liked going places because it involves two things I'm bad at -- packing and unpacking. Apparently I take a much too casual approach.

Like most men, I could travel for a week with the necessary items in a small bag. And I mean a bag. An empty pillow case would do, although for decorum's sake, I usually use a gym-bag.

The concept of luggage just complicates things. Consider its roots. The dictionary tells us luggage is a Viking word combing "lug" -- meaning to struggle under an unbearable weight, and "age" -- generally what happens more quickly when you struggle under an unbearable weight.

I say grab your toothbrush, some underwear and start the car. If you need something else, well, they probably have stores wherever you're going.

Travel right; travel light.

And if you can't, stay home.

My favorite trip is the one not taken.

-

TRAVELER MAIL: Others like to travel. Jerry and Louise Taylor went to Newport, Ark., to celebrate their aunt Nonnie Jackson 's 100th birthday. And got to visit with more than 125 aunts, uncles, cousins and her sister Nelia from California.

Kathy Czarnecke sends a postcard from Newport News, Va. Katherine and Wayne are enjoying Branson, Mo. Betty and Steve Ford mailed a card from Commerce, Okla., hometown of baseball great Mickey Mantle. They mailed other cards from Arkansas, Kansas and the Ozarks.

Fred and Dixie Holt and Marion and Wanda Mundy are driving across Arizona and no doubt seeing plenty to tell everyone back at Bel-Ridge Baptist Church.

David Jay Daitch sends greetings from the Galapagos Islands. Cyndy and Tom Lifsey , of Augusta, say they miss the GreenJackets but enjoy the West Indies.

Gin and Alex Sellers enjoyed the weather and sites of Nova Scotia on a last trip before school starts. Gin says Alex went swimming and the water is a bit cool.

-

ENJOY YOURSELF: Speaking of enjoying the water, the Lincoln County commissioners will honor the Army Corps of Engineers for its management of Thurmond Lake with a covered-dish luncheon at Lincolnton Historical Park on Wednesday.

Attendees should bring their dish to the park at 11:30 a.m.; the luncheon will begin at noon.

The event is free to all who bring a covered dish, and tea and lemonade will be provided.

-

TODAY'S JOKE: The talented and erudite Robert Symms shares this one.

The inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed.

The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated as "Wash. Biol. Surv." -- until the agency received the following letter from an unhappy camper:

"Dear Sirs: While camping last week, I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and want to tell you it tasted horrible."

The bands are now marked "Fish & Wildlife Service."

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.