I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

-- Will Rogers

Happy Cinco De Mayo.

I hope this flu business hasn't ruined any social plans you had for today.

On the bright side, I must commend the government for solving the nation's swine flu problem the way it often solves our problems -- it changed its name.

Swine flu is now a footnote. H1N1 is the flu we need to worry about. Granted, H1N1 is hard to remember because it doesn't spell anything. But you can do what I do -- change the two 1's to I's and you get HINI, which is pronounced "hiney."

Hiney Flu -- I hope you don't catch it.

SPEAKING OF GOVERNMENT: I spent a nice hour Friday visiting with both U.S. Sens. Johnny Isakson and Saxby Chambliss, who dropped by on their way to an SRS field trip.

Both men did not appear too worried about the state of their Republican Party, pointing out it came back in 1994 after two years of Democrat Bill Clinton.

They are concerned, however, about all the money the government is spending on a plan that doesn't make much financial sense.

On another political topic, Mr. Isakson was emphatic about not leaving the Senate to come home to run for governor in 2010.

It's a rumor that floats every other year, probably because of wishful thinking of people such as my mother, who worked in Mr. Isakson's real estate office years ago before he became a political statesman. He has always been her favorite politician.

SOCIAL GRACES: It was also nice to see so many old friends at Saturday night's big Social dance at the James Brown Arena. This year I came prepared with my old press-box binoculars.

It's helpful that most of the young ladies have different colored dresses -- that's how I learned one picks out couples in the crowd.

It's also fun (if you have binoculars) to see if kids look like their parents.

For the record, my 15-year-old son is almost identical to what I looked like in high school -- even down to that 1967 hairstyle.

MY APOLOGIES: In Friday's column about Mayday, the airport dog, I did not get the first name of her handler right. It is "Tina," which is short for "Augustine."

TODAY'S JOKE: Two longtime government engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said the first one, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Both men stood there for a moment, before one said to the other, "That's just like a woman. We ask for the height and she gives us the length."

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.