Americans lose golfers' names in translation

Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages.

-- Dave Barry

The impact of this year's Masters Tournament is indeed extensive, touching even my house.

After Sunday's victory by Angel Cabrera , of Argentina, and his gracious response afterward -- in Spanish -- my 15-year-old asked to change next year's high school language sequence from French.

"I want to know what he's saying," he said.

I couldn't argue.

My son loves golf and his Masters record book does not include an extensive section on French golf participation.

Besides, he has already shown some aptitude for the language.

He kept correcting my garbled efforts to pronounce the name of the tournament's 13-place finisher, Camilo Villegas , of Colombia.

As most of you probably know, it's pronounced va-JAY-gus.

My best effort sounded like the name of a Tia Juana service station.

And imagine my surprise at finding out the latest green jacket is worn by a man whose first name Angel is not pronounced "AIN-jull," but "AHN-hell."

OLD TOMBSTONE: We continue to hear from family members of Bluford Garrett , the man who died here in 1903, whose tombstone was found when the Augusta Canal was drained.

We now suspect he was a carpenter, who rented a place on Ellis Street. He was also married twice.

TODAY'S JOKE: Here's one shared by Seth Benson , of Millen, Ga.

It seems Alice and Frank were a couple who loved to go bungee jumping, prompting Alice to see a business opportunity.

"You know," she told him, "I bet we could go to Mexico and corner the market on bungee jumping."

Frank thought it a great idea, so they put their money together and bought everything they needed: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They went to a medium-size Mexican city and began to set up on the square.

As they were constructing the tower, a crowd began to assemble.

Slowly, more and more people gathered to watch them at work.

When they had finished, there was such a crowd, they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration, so Alice jumped.

She bounced at the end of the cord, but when she came back up, Frank noticed that she had a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, Frank wasn't able to catch her and she fell again, bounced, and came back up again.

This time, she was bruised and bleeding.

Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up.

This time, she comes back pretty messed up -- luckily, Frank finally catches her, and asks what happened. "Was the cord too long?"

"No," she groaned, "but it was the crowd. What is a piñata?"

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.