Can't find it? It's probably in the drawer

Buy, buy, said the sign in the shop window; Why, why, says the junk in the yard.

-- Paul McCartney

My mother had one. My grandmother had one. Now I've got one.

It's a drawer in the kitchen so full of stuff that its bottom bows, and it clanks when you pull it open.

That's because it is full of all those things that you keep because you might need them once a decade.

Bet you've got one, too.

It's not the nice drawer -- you know, the one that has the plastic divider to keep the spoons from touching the salad forks.

No, it's the one with the stuff in it. The one my wife sent me to the other night with the vague direction: "It's in THE DRAWER."

Well, of course, it's in the drawer. Everything's in the drawer.

Cheese graters of various styles and sizes. Old butcher knives, some quite worn, others rusty, all looking like potential murder weapons. An assortment of other kitchen knives with the tips broken off, probably because a little boy (now retired) once thought it fun to fling them into the linoleum.

Ladles.

Three basting brushes. A dozen spatulas, including two from the Brady Bunch kitchen collection circa 1969. Meat thermometers. A wide assortment of plastic parts that once went to functional things.

Measuring cups.

Three corkscrews, two of which are broken and one with a cork still captured tightly in its grip.

Christmas cookie cutters in an unopened plastic bag. And a nice set of valentine cookie cutters featuring a big heart, a double-heart and a smaller heart. You look at them suspiciously and think: "My wife never made me valentine cookies."

An ice cream scoop.

A variety of ominous looking devices that resemble medieval torture implements, but are actually used to open balky jars. Several large spoons with their plastic handles melted with deep welts.

Strainers.

Mismatched steak knives begged, borrowed and (apparently) stolen from a variety of sets over the years. Wooden spoons. Wooden forks. And a wooden mallet in case I wanted to beat the steak before I grilled it.

I know I should probably throw some of this out; I just don't know what.

You never do, because someday you might need it, and you'll know where to look.

The drawer.

HAIR SCARE: With all the problems we face, leave it to The New York Times to find another one -- President Obama is aging before our eyes.

I quote: "Just 44 days into the job, and President Obama is going gray."

Can't say I blame him.

BIG SCREEN: Thanks to all of you for sharing your memories of Augusta's old drive-ins. I put them all onto my blog at augustachronicle.com for everyone to see.

TODAY'S JOKE: A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"

"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.

"That's it," he answered. "I can never remember that word."

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.