House work is not for this guy

My wife and I have altogether different ideas about housework. Her rather radical approach is that it needs to be done, it needs to be done now and it needs to be repeated on a regular basis.

My concept of housework is more laid-back: Sure, we could waste our Saturday by sweeping and mopping and vacuuming, but in a month or two, we'd just have to do it all over again.

I mean, we have dogs in our house. And grandchildren. And me. It's not as though people expect to walk into our house and find hospital-worthy cleanliness.

My wife believes otherwise.

Bless her heart, I know she means well by wanting the counters cleaned off and the dishes put away and the windows transparent, but she never tries to see my side.

For instance, what are countertops for if not for putting stuff on? Let that toaster and other small appliances stay at their duty stations, not tucked into a cabinet so no one will know we -- shudder -- eat toast.

If there are a few dishes in the sink, I don't mind washing them and putting them on the rack to dry. I don't enjoy it, mind you, nor volunteer for it, nor think about it when I'm daydreaming, but when push comes to shove (or to keep from being pushed and shoved) I will clean our two plates, two glasses, two forks and so on.

My wife, on the other hand, would rather place dishes into the dishwasher and, in some future version of our kitchen, wash them when the machine is packed full.

To me, dishwashers are a waste of time, and they certainly don't save time.

As you know, you have to clean the dishes before putting them into the contraption that cleans them.

Then, you have to arrange them in a certain pattern that only a NASA engineer can get right the first time.

Finally, after they are clean, you have to take them out and put them away.

What a waste of TV-viewing time!

To me, after dishes are in the machine, they are put away. Leave them there, I say, until the next meal, when we will use those dishes and utensils again. Why pile up mileage by stacking them in the cabinet and then taking them back down at mealtime?

As I said, I'm not really eager about washing dishes, but laundry -- that's my game. I can do laundry 24 hours a day, and so long as I have sufficient detergent, baskets and hangers, I am a happy all-American male.

Unlike the dishwasher, the clothes washer and dryer let me control the show. Separate those clothes, wash them, dry them, put them away: It doesn't get any better than that.

Besides, doing the laundry has an added benefit: It keeps me in spending money.

I can't tell you how many times I have found quarters, dollars bills -- even fives -- in my wife's pockets before washing a load.

Sometimes a bill slips by me and pops up in the dryer, clean and dry, all ready to tuck into my pocket.

I'd like to see you find cash in a load of dirty dishes.

Reach Glynn Moore at (706) 823-3419 or glynn.moore@augustachronicle.com.

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