Stop watering dead grass; you're making ice

The ice was here, the ice was there, the ice was all around.

-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

What are they watering?

This week's drop in temperatures has revealed a lot of sprinkler systems adding to icy street problems.

Despite repeated warnings from government officials in charge of repeated warnings, it still seems to happen every frosty morning.

Why?

What could anyone be watering in February? Dead grass?

(HINT: It doesn't need it; turn off your sprinkler for a few months.)

WHITE HOUSE WOES: I was reading the paper this week about all the problems the new president is having, and I thought this must be the shortest White House "honeymoon" ever.

Well, I was wrong.

Through the magic of augusta archives.com (an online search engine for almost all of The Chronicle's back issues), I found rookie presidents always seemed to be up to their ears in trouble shortly after taking office. Past front pages report:

- On Feb. 3, 1977, facing an economic challenge, President Carter "appealed for a revival of the fighting moral spirit that unified America in World War II."

He said this in a TV address to the nation, promising "no quick fixes." He called for both "sacrifice and unity."

- On. Feb. 3, 1961, President Kennedy -- also facing an economic challenge -- urged Congress to act fast to give Americans an "economic shot in the arm." (A sidebar story said the GOP wasn't sure Kennedy's economic plan would work.)

- On Feb. 3, 1969, new President Nixon seemed more troubled with Middle East concerns. Israel and Iraq were trouble spots so severe, he was seen calling on former President Eisenhower at Walter Reed Hospital, to ask advice. (The front page photo showed Ike in pajamas and a bathrobe.)

- Even back in 1933, a front-page Chronicle story reported that an Augusta delegation was headed to Washington to make sure the city got its share of new President Roosevelt 's "gigantic, billion dollar public works program."

This newspaper's editorials urged city leadership to respond to FDR's plea "to come and get it."

By the way, Presidents Clinton and George W. Bush seemed to start out pretty easy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Speaking of the White House, today is the birthday not only of Ronald Reagan , but also Babe Ruth . I guess you could say one swung pretty hard from the right, the other from the left.

TODAY'S JOKE: Speaking of birthdays, Seth Benson , of Millen, Ga., offers this:

A phone rings. "Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood. Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, 12 deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Then using axes, they split open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

An hour later, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd. Did the sheriff come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Well, happy birthday, buddy!"

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.