A man by himself is in bad company.

-- Eric Hoffer

Let's start off with a note from Brenda Vaughn , who writes: "I have just read your mini-review of your annual columns. You did not include the squirrel story. I was remiss not to write you at the time. That was so very funny. I loved it. I know you caught a lot of flak on it but obviously they have not had squirrel encounters. Happy New Year."

Well, Brenda, I was quiet about it because I didn't want the squirrels to know I was working on their demise.

My son has been experimenting with a variety of lubricants to make it difficult for the squirrels to grab the pole upon which the bird-feeder sits.

He started with Pam. I, meanwhile, am experimenting with smells. So far, neither of us has achieved much success, but we have discovered a few things.

If you have any squirrels on your holiday gift list, they apparently love Old Spice After Shave.

QUOTE BOX: The always observant Robert Symms reports the quotation attributed to Cicero in Friday's column was very loosely translated.

"It is based on a true statement from the great Roman orator, but someone added a lot to it to make it match some of what the United States was facing economically.

The actual quote is: "The arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and assistance to foreign hands should be curtailed, lest Rome fall."

SPEAKING OF GOVERNMENT: Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night."

So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"

So they created a planning department and hired two people -- one person to write the instructions and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"

So they created a quality control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"

So they created the following positions, a timekeeper and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an administrative officer, assistant administrative officer and a legal secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget; we must cut back overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

TODAY'S JOKE: Everett Fernandez shares another one.

It seems a teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Brian raises his hand and says, "The sky is fascinate."

The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."

Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."

The teacher says, "Close again, but you used the word fascinated."

So finally little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but she's so big she could only fasten eight!

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.