Soon after I married, my wife came across a stash of letters, long forgotten, from former girlfriends. These letters were not the expected professions of affection; rather, they all asked a common question: Steven, why are you so distant? Letter after letter questioned my commitment to whatever teen romance I was embroiled in.

I was a bad boyfriend, so I would like to dedicate, perhaps 20 years too late, this column to all the girls I've loved before (sorry about that, Julio Iglesias) and, in my defense, offer five cinematic boyfriends who make me look like a champ.

ALICE DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE (1974): There is nary a gangster to be found in this overlooked Martin Scorsese classic. That does not mean there's any shortage of villainy. Check out this bad boyfriend. Harvey Keitel was not just abusive -- always a terrible trait -- but also married. The good news is that Alice (Ellen Burstyn) learns from her mistakes and finds love before the end of the final reel.

ALFIE (1966): Michael Caine's Alfie Elkins is a difficult balancing act, at once a serial womanizer and a charismatic character who's hard not to like. It's his ability to embrace both the immoral and the lovable that gives the film's unexpected climax such an impact.

BADLANDS (1973): Every once in a while a bad boyfriend will persuade the object of his affection to engage in something ill-advised. In Terrence Malick's Badlands , Martin Sheen's Kit convinces Sissy Spacek's Holly that drinking from the bottle and the occasional back-seat tumble are advisable, as is a cross-country crime spree. Based on a true story, Badlands is a beautiful meditation on love, lust and larceny.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (1991): The Beast is temperamental and emotionally abusive, and he has a really hairy back. From what I hear, that's three big bad-boyfriend strikes.

THE WAY WE WERE (1973): Can passion overcome politics? The rocky road that Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford travel in this classic drama from Sydney Pollack is complicated by wildly divergent politics (she's blue and he is red) and by his inability to remain true. The entire movie sets up a great and beautifully realized final scene, which I will not ruin here.

That, after all, would be bad.

Reach Steven Uhles at (706) 823-3626 or steven.uhles@augustachronicle.com.