Educators, be prepared to hear this

  • Follow Bill Kirby

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Video: Kirby's Augusta
Loading the player...

-- Gail Godwin

Many of our young people are heading back to school -- an exercise we all remember. I can think of no better way to convey those memories than to share this list passed on by Everett Fernandez . They are question and answer responses from young elementary school pupils.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen)

A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O and U.

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

Teacher: No, that's wrong

Glenn: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have 10 years ago.

Winnie: Me!

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Louie, do you know why his father didn't punishÂhim?

Louis: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

Harold: A teacher.

It could be a long school year.

Top headlines

Paine College debt continues to climb

As Paine College continues an aggressive fundraising campaign to turn around years of decline, the school’s most recent financial audit shows climbing debt and more revenue loss over the last ...
Search Augusta jobs