-- Bill Blass
Today, dads everywhere will be getting gifts, and if tradition holds, many of those unwrapped packages will reveal neckties.
Like most men, I would prefer to select my own neckwear, but often that's not how it works.
This explains the great number of unworn ties filling the darkest closets of America.
It does not, however, explain what to do with them.
I mentioned last month that some people sew them together as quilts, but Ann Wood had a better idea.
"Bill," she wrote, "my neighbor's husband passed away and he had about 40 odd ties. She saw a pillow someone had made into a throw pillow ... so she picked out her favorite quilt block and I made four pillows -- one for her and one for the three children. I had a good many leftover pieces, so I made each of the grandchildren a Christmas stocking with their name embroidered on it. Now when they walk into a room and see the pillow or hang their stocking at Christmas they will think of their Dad or Granddad. Hope you enjoy these pictures. (She sent me several). This may give other quilters in the area ideas."
Well, Ann, it's given me an idea on how to get rid of old neckties.
This Father's Day, let's kick off a Wildest Tie Contest.
Check out the back of your closets or drawers and see if you can find a tie whose pattern or color or width should have never been knotted around anyone's neck.
You don't have to send it in; a photo will probably do.
The winner will get a new tie of his (or her) choice if I can talk some classy men's store into donating.
Let's make the deadline a month from now, July 13.
That's Harrison Ford's birthday. His best movies rarely featured a tie.
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TODAY'S FATHER'S DAY JOKE: An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat.
"My dad is an engineer," he said. "He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?"
"Yes," said the Navy brat.
"Did you know," said the Army brat, "my dad built them?"
"That's nothing," the Navy kid said. "Ever heard of the Dead Sea?"
"Sure," said the Army child.
"Well," said the Navy brat, "it's my dad who killed it!"