Yvonne Todd says she endured repeated beatings with everything from a sawed-off shotgun to tree limbs, and fear kept her from revealing the secret for many years.
"He told me he would kill me if I told anybody. If I left him, he would find me," the Grovetown woman said Saturday, referring to a longtime relationship with a man who died 14 years ago. "I always thought I was going to die from it."
These days, Ms. Todd wants to get the word out about the 22 years she said she spent in isolation, with mental agony and at times broken bones. As part of that mission, she wants to reach out to battered women by starting a support group at her church, the Vineyard Christian Fellowship Church in Evans.
Ms. Todd said she would like to meet with the women once a month starting Saturday and plans to convey her story. She hopes her group will help women take the first step to getting out of bad relationships.
"They can get over it. It's not going to happen overnight, but there is hope," she said.
The benefit
Amy Hall, the director of SafeHomes of Augusta, a shelter for battered women, said she believes Ms. Todd's story can help other women in abusive situations. Ms. Todd has spoken to women at the shelter about domestic violence.
SafeHomes, which provided services to more than 1,100 women and children last year, is the only battered women shelter in the Augusta area, Ms. Hall said. Having an outlet for battered women in Columbia County would be beneficial, she said.
"I think it would be good for women to have somewhere to go and talk and begin healing," she said. "It's so courageous, on her (Ms. Todd's) part, to tell her story. There's so many people who won't speak out."
In Ms. Todd's case, she said her courtship with her boyfriend began when she was an 18-year-old Hephzibah High School graduate. She said things then seemed "too good to be true."
"He was a calm, suave, good-looking guy," she said.
Three weeks into their relationship, Ms. Todd said, she began to get hit in the face for "being out of line." She said the slapping grew into beatings that would leave her passed out and, on numerous occasions, in the hospital.
She tried to find refuge in jobs, but she said her companion preferred to have her home, away from any outside influences.
Kept away from friends and family, she endured beatings and verbal abuse in secret, she said.
Her family assumed she was happy with her relationship, sister Judy Moreland said.
"We thought she wanted to be with this man," Mrs. Moreland said. "We were not allowed to go around her, so we had no idea."
The large, religious family had been very close since Ms. Todd was a child. Though she missed her family, she said her mental state and fear would not allow her to leave her boyfriend.
"After you're there for so many years, it's almost like you begin to feel like you're nothing," Ms. Todd said. "You feel ugly, like nobody would care about you either way."
Healing process
She said she believes the unexpected death of her boyfriend saved her life and that of her son, Matthew.
After that, she said, it took years to begin a healing process. She and her son entered counseling, and she began attending Vineyard Christian Fellowship.
She said she still struggles with being in the "real world," but writing about her experiences has been emotionally cathartic.
"For a while, I was still afraid if I looked at somebody wrong, they'd slap the crap out of me," she said. "Now, I can go to the mall, go riding and feel comfortable."
Reach Stephanie Toone at (706) 823-3215 or stephanie.toone@augustachronicle.com.
SUPPORT GROUP
The battered women's support group will meet at 10 a.m. Saturday at the Vineyard Christian Fellowship Church, 3126 Parrish Road in Evans.
For more information, contact Yvonne Todd at ytodd22@knology.net.
Comments
I just can't seem to relate to this situation. The first slap would be the last time I saw this man, because of restraining orders and armed family members. Try as I may, I just can't seem to imagine a relationship of this type going beyond the first encounter. I do sympathize with Ms Todd and others that endure this horror. I just can't seem to empathize.
There is a slow sick system these abusers employ to confuse, isolate and intimidate their prey. After the abuse there is generally a period of apology, adoration and great passion that is used to confuse the victim. PT you mention armed family members. The first thing the abuser has to do is isolate his prey. Take the family members out of play. Empathy is not necessary. Simply be aware. If you have any idea this may be happening to someone you know, report it at once. If you can't validate physical abuse at least offer your support and give the victim a way out.
What Ms. Todd endured is horrifyingly unreal but the reality of it all is that many suffer this type of abuse. It is a vicious circle that has no way out except in death or at least to the victim it seems that way...Ms. Todd is a woman of tremendous strength, a woman who can help others through her story as well as provide insight into a world of abuse that is more often than not hidden behind doors that not even closest family are given a glimpse of the horror...These men will receive punishment they so greatly deserve if not in this world in the next one to come.
I agree 14PUTT. Preparation is the answer. This scenario should be played to every girl before their first date takes place so they can consider the situation and be ready to take appropriate steps at the very beginning of the relationship, before the trap is sprung. Fore warned is fore armed.
You have to walk away from sin and never try to figure a way to get along with it and make it work.
I am happy for you!
In this and other situations the Words says: "the curse without a cause will not come". Always go to the root and the beginning of any problem and the cause will become clear. This is true for every situation that is failing in any way in our lives. God made life so simple we have to get help to mis-understand. We have all become experts at making everything complicated.
wonder how he died?
14PUTT, you hit the nail on the head. They isolate, intimidate, threaten, verbally abuse and confuse. Tell you you are their everything, then tell you you are a SOS within seconds, then turn around and ask for a hug and a kiss a second later like nothing awful just happened. Curse you out while he's driving, then he pauses haranguing you to make a sign of the cross as he passes a church, then resumes cussing you out in front of the children, with no explanation what triggered it. No apology later, never even acknowledge anything rotten was said to you. Blames you for everything that goes wrong. Tells his side of the family you're to blame for serious financial problems when he has kept you on an allowance for groceries and gas to the school and back for over 10 years in which you haven't even seen his checkbook. Tells all your mutual friends you're crazy behind your back and wonders why you can't get references for a job. Then uses the fact that you haven't been able to get a job against you, too! This is just a sampling of the manipulative mind games men like this use, to excuse their own selfish agendas, and drain every ounce of self-confidence out of their wives.
Restraining orders are not worth the paper and time it takes to get one!! Many women have been killed by their spouses/live ins that had restraining orders. This happens all across this nation every day. Since most of these control freaks isolate the person from their family, the family does not know there is a problem. The victims are warned not to tell anyone or else. These abusers have to sleep and when he did, a good baseball bat will do more than any restraining order. Women need to be educated on when and where to go to get help and our law enforcement need to do a better job of enforcing the restraining orders. Hopefully this lady will save many lives with her story.
I feel for women who are in this position. It seems as though they just do not have the self-esteem to pull themselves out of it and break away. I am so thankful I have never been in a situation such as this and don't think I ever will be. I have worked hard at my job and my marriage and I honestly believe I have enough pride in myself to ever take abuse like this woman has been through. I am confident enough to pack up and leave. Then again, one never knows what he or she would do if you were in that situation.
I have experienced most of that. It is scary to leave (I did) and a restraining order does not work all the time. Even after one leaves there is stalking which is so frightening it makes one stay in unless they are with someone. It sounds easy to pack up and leave but you had better have money enough to go far away from the area. Men of this nature do not give up! Self confidence and pride I had (still do) but it isn't easy as some of you think.
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