South Carolina is all stumped out

Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction.

-- Danny Sarandon

This will be a week for predictions, most of them involving the Super Bowl.

Well, I've got another one.

If you live in South Carolina, I predict it will be about four years before you see another presidential candidate in person unless he (or she) is stopping to fill up his or her tank at South of the Border.

The New South's New Hampshire will now have to watch the candidates stump other states.

Stump, a good word for most candidates, don't you think?

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Kathy Beeson writes "I have realized there is always a lot to be thankful for if you take the time to look for it. Even in growing older one might consider how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt."

TUESDAY LISTS: James Hartman shares the top country/western song titles.

- I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'

- Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win

- I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here

- She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer

- And, It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Butt All Day Long.

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TODAY'S JOKE: Here's one from Everett Fernandez .

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and he heard a booming voice say, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

There was a pause, and then the voice answered. "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "OK, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

Again there was a pause, then the voice said, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.