We were cleaning the office the other day and, to our horror, realized we can't find our list of those things that offend Muslims. If anyone out there has an updated list, please send it here, because we're having trouble keeping up.

We remember Salman Rushdie, of course. And the editorial cartoons depicting Muhammad. Oh, and you can't name your teddy bear that without getting a fatwa.

Then there's Theo Van Gogh, the Dutch filmmaker who was murdered for making a movie exploring the treatment of Muslim women in some countries.

And recently a journalist in Afghanistan was sentenced to death for downloading an Internet article that "commented on verses in the Quran that were about women," according to one news source.

More recently, the Times of London reported that a children's book based on The Three Little Pigs would be disqualified for an award because the subject matter might offend Muslims.

Wait. There's something even more recent. Another Dutch filmmaker, Geert Wilders, is causing a panic in the Dutch government with a short film that attacks Islam's "religion of peace" brand.

Ironically, as the film's release was reportedly delayed by the government for security concerns, Muslim leaders in the Netherlands were appealing for calm.

At the same time, they want offended Muslims "to file a legal complaint for discrimination and incitement to hatred."

You might understand, after all this, why someone from the land of free speech would be a bit confused as to what's acceptable -- and what might get one's house blown down.