Women wrote the rules for game of love

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

-- Albert Einstein

I was reminded this week that only a month remains for Valentine's Day shopping. I'll need every day, because I am often in trouble with my Valentine, mostly because I score so poorly on the Female Merit System. Maybe you've seen this.

Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. Here are the examples passed along by someone in more trouble than me.

SIMPLE DUTIES

- You make the bed (+1).

- You make the bed but forget the decorative pillow (0).

- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1).

SECURITY

- You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1).

- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0).

- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something (+5).

- You pummel it with iron rod (+10).

- It's her pet (-20).

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

- You stay by her side during the entire party (0).

- You stay by her side at the party for a while and then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2).

- Named Tina (-10).

- Tina is a dancer (-20).

A NIGHT OUT

- You take her to a movie (+1).

- You take her to a movie she likes (+3).

- You take her to a movie you hate (+6).

- You take her to a movie you like (-2).

- It has a topless scene (-10).

VALENTINE'S DAY

- Give her chocolate (+10).

- Give her money (+100.)

- Give her diamonds (+500).

- Give her fake diamonds (-500).

COMMUNICATION

- When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen with a concerned expression (0).

- For more than 30 minutes (+50).

- Without looking at the TV (+500).

- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-1,000).

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TODAY'S JOKE: One day a professor was giving a big test to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in.

The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the tests back out.

This student got back his test and $64 change.