Who could get Iowa? Who knows?

The best part of the Iowa caucuses tonight may be that Michael "Cuba Has Better Health Care" Moore can't participate.

But according to an Internet missive purporting to come from the Marxist filmmaker, he apparently is as confused as he is excited, admitting that his soul mate Dennis Kucinich doesn't have a prayer, and that the love of his life Hillary Clinton has been way too supportive of our troops for his taste.

And he was perplexed that she turned down his request for an interview -- though he's in good company: Hillary isn't even answering her own questions these days, and daughter Chelsea wouldn't answer a 9-year-old girl's innocent-enough question.

Moore is also in good company when it comes to being confused: No one seems to know how Iowa will go, and what it will mean for the country.

"It is the Nobody Knows election," wrote Justin Webb of BBC News.

"New polls show both races competitive, the outcomes extraordinarily unpredictable," said the Associated Press.

That's fitting for the first wide-open race, with no president or vice president running, since 1928.

Part of the problem is that the endless series of televised debates did very little to illuminate the candidates' positions on the nation's most pressing issues -- terrorism, nuclear proliferation, the disappearing manufacturing base, the trade and fiscal deficits, unchecked illegal immigration -- and the coming bankruptcy of America with the retirement of baby boomers that began this very week.

Another problem is that no candidate has managed to create a vision that has catapulted him or her into a big lead. There is, in both parties, no clear choice. Indeed, Iowa could go to Clinton, Barack Obama or John Edwards on the Democratic side. On the Republican side, Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee have see-sawed to an apparent standoff.

Another problem: First-vote states Iowa and New Hampshire are hardly representative of the rest of the country. They boast neither a rich amount of racial nor ideological diversity. Or a lot of warm bodies, either.

Given how this theater of the absurd proceeds -- and where -- this is simply one of the most trivial and meaningless processes you could imagine for choosing the leader of the world's lone superpower. Yet, if a candidate wins both Iowa and New Hampshire, he or she could emerge with an unbeatable amount of momentum.

We may not know how this drama will play out. But we know it will hold far too much sway.