S. Carolina pupils deserve an easy test

Our future is ahead of us.

- Candidate Bob Dole, 1996

Last week we reported that the standardized math and reading tests taken by South Carolina public school pupils were among the nation's most difficult.

Yes, Palmetto parents, it doesn't seem fair that your little scholars have had to concentrate and focus while other states - Colorado and Michigan were two cited by the Thomas Fordham Institute - led the nation in easy quizzing.

Well, we should never point out a problem without offering a solution, so today I'd like to offer some sample questions for a new South Carolina public school test.

We can never do enough to properly challenge the working knowledge of our young people.

As my father has told me many times, no child should be left behind because one day he might put something in your fries.

So here we go:

1. How many SRS engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.

B. Five. One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable -but functional - hand grip and one to use all this equipment.

C: None. They simply redefine darkness as a government standard.

D. Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one.

2. The Civil War began in Charleston. Where did it end?

A. It's over?

B. North Charleston

C. Gettysburg

D. Appomattox

3. The opposite of Upstate is:

A. Downstate.

B. Mid-state

C. Interstate

D. Lowcountry

4. Strom Thurmond was a veteran of what war?

A. 1812

B. Mexican

C. Spanish-American

D. WWII

5. Which town is the bigger O?

A. Wando

B. Elko

C. Round O

D. Irmo

6. The state's longest river:

A. Edisto

B. Broad

C. Saluda

D. Savannah

7. Its most remembered island:

A. Pawley's

B. Edisto

C. Fripp

D. Parris

Essay: Compare the college coaching styles of Steve Spurrier/Lou Holtz with Danny Ford/Tommy Bowden. Who would you want to win one big game?

Answers: Well, I'm no scholar, but I think D would probably work for all the questions. As for the essay, I might point out only Danny Ford won a national championship with an in-state team.