- John De Paola
I'd like to say I did really well running in the weekend's 10-kilometer Broad Street Ramble.
I'd also like to say my hair is growing back and I picked the Powerball number, but that wouldn't be true, either.
Running's like that, I guess.
The weather was cool. The course was reasonably flat and there was ample time to warm up, which I did.
I even had on my newest shoes and some nifty, new orange running shorts.
But when I crossed the finish line, I noticed the clock recording my worst time in years.
How bad was it?
I told my wife I got beat by a guy walking his dog.
"You're slow," she said. As always a font of encouragement.
"I just need to train more," I told her.
"Here," she said, handing me a grocery list. "Go push a cart up and down the aisles ... And be quick about it."
CHURCH AND FOOTBALL: Charlie Williams passes along these similarities. See how many you know.
Quarterback sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the invitation to join.
Draw play - What children do with the bulletin during worship.
Halftime - The period between Sunday school and worship.
Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or do anything but sit.
Staying in the pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should go into the collection plate.
Two-minute warning - The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather belongings.
Trap - You're called on to pray and are asleep.
End run - Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.
Flex defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.
Blitz - The rush for the restaurants after the closing prayer.
TODAY'S JOKE: A 6-year-old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grandpa's room.
"Grandpa, Grandpa," he says excitedly, "as soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" asked his grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog."
"Why?" the old man asked with a chuckle.
"Well," said the little boy, "Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're going to Disneyland!"