When relationship is doomed, it's time to break up, drive on

  • Follow Xtreme

THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM: Me and my friend, we've been talking for five months. We've broken up six times. (The last time) he got mad at me because he thought I was going with his homeboy, and so he tried to talk to my cousin. Come to find out the truth - that I wasn't going with his homeboy - he felt bad and he asked for a second chance.

I gave him a second chance. Nobody knows that we're back together, and I don't know if I should tell someone or keep it a secret.

Am I dumb? I don't think that me and him are going to be like we were. We always fuss. He's 17. - 16-year-old Burke County girl

TEEN REPORTER KAMILLE BOSTICK SAYS: It's one thing to break up with a guy because you are cheating on him and he decides not to take it, but quite another to have it broken off when you were doing nothing wrong. You took him back because you were ready to prove yourself worthy of his affections - and that's OK. It wasn't the best plan, but it was a normal reaction.

What's not normal is how you think it is OK that he tried to date your cousin. For someone with stricter standards, that would have been a boundary (like dating your friend or your sister) he shouldn't have been able to cross.

That the two of you are way too OK with dating, flirting, etc., with people who should be too close for comfort proves you're not mature enough to be in a relationship. Some things and some people should be off limits.

To address your concerns, however, no, you don't have to tell anyone the two of you are back together.

Realize, however, that if people don't know you're back together, they can also say they didn't know you were together when they start to try to date either one of you.

You shouldn't hide something you like; however, if you think other people are just going to get in the way and mess up the good thing you've got going (again), then it's OK to play this hand close to heart. Just don't think secrecy is going to protect this relationship. You and your boyfriend have an awful lot of issues to work out, and the added element of not letting anyone know you're together isn't going to make those issues go away - it might even make them worse.

If you can tell already that this isn't going to be like it was, and your relationship is plagued by arguments, you're headed in the express lane for another breakup.

Save yourself the emotional drain of all of this and realize that you and this guy are better off being two people who tried to make it work and didn't, instead of being two people foolishly trying to make something work that won't.

You like each other but aren't good for each other. Break up and move on.

Talk to us


Use the form below to submit your reply or call the Advice Line voice mailbox at 823-3358. You'll have one minute to reply.

Got a problem? Use the form below to tell us about it or call the Advice Line voice mailbox at 823-3358. You'll have one minute to give us your situation. Please speak clearly and state your age and the town you live in.

You can also e-mail your problems to kamille.bostick@augustachronicle.com. Put "Advice Line" in the subject line. Remember to include your age and hometown. All e-mail addresses will be kept confidential. Questions may be condensed for space.



Your 2 cents


Got a compliment or complaint? Xtreme's Teen Rants & Raves, an occasional feature, will let you sound off about issues you take to heart. You can e-mail your brief comments to kamille.bostick@augustachronicle.com. Put "Teen Rants & Raves" in the subject line.


Top headlines

Commission plays 'Let's Make A Deal'

Political rumors are running wild in Augusta just like goats at city detention ponds. For example, here are e-mails that have been making the rounds.
Search Augusta jobs