Originally created 08/22/06

If boy is ignoring feelings, girl should get rid of him

THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM: I have this problem with my boyfriend, we've been dating for three years. And (for) almost one year we've had a problem with his ex-girlfriend. He just thinks it's OK to speak and talk to her. Most of our problems in our relationship are because of her.

I'm wondering if he keeps speaking and talking to her, should I stay with him or let him go?

HERE'S WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY TO THIS 19-YEAR-OLD: She needs to let this young man go because he's really not worthy of her attention. If he's paying that much attention to an ex-girlfriend, it's not worth it.

XTREME REPORTER KAMILLE BOSTICK SAYS: If you've told your boyfriend that you don't like him talking with his ex-girlfriend and he continues to do so, then the problem isn't the ex, it's your boyfriend.

As your boyfriend, he has the responsibility to respect your wishes. That he continues to talk with his ex-girlfriend when you've asked him to stop shows you how little he cares about pleasing you.

Why be with someone who doesn't want to try to make you happy? Similarly, why stay in a relationship when your concerns aren't heeded or your terms aren't met?

You don't need permission to end this, you just need to follow through. The longer you let him disrespect your wishes, the longer your boyfriend is going to think he can disrespect you.

With that said, I have to ask why your boyfriend's talking with his ex-girlfriend is such a problem. What threat does she pose? Why are you so insecure?

Love, as songwriters and authors have said, is not ownership. Commitment shouldn't have to equate to social confinement (as long as that social freedom is platonic). If you're trying to imprison your boyfriend because you don't trust him, you don't like or trust this girl or if you're just trying to control him, then you do need to let him go. Not because he's doing anything wrong but because you are.


How far do you go with a friendship before you give up and let them go? For instance, if a friend of yours at school is starting to dabble in things you don't approve of (such as) sex, drinking, smoking, drugs.

What would you say to this teen?

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