Originally created 08/04/06

Strange metaphors turn up in student essays



People don't notice whether it's winter or summer when they're happy.

- Anton Chekhov

Local students are heading back to school this week, which is probably a good time to share this collection passed along by Bob Ross.

Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their collections of metaphors found in high school essays. Some winners:

"His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free."

"She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef."

"He was as tall as a 6-foot 3-inch tree."

"The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30."

"They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth."

"He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River."

"The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work."

"He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up."

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TRAVEL NEWS: Adam Kleba, of Augusta, sends a note and photos from his recent trip to Wisconsin, where he visited the grave of former Augusta Lynx announcer Kyle Schultz.

Eddie and Anne Johnson and Carl and Sara Baker send a postcard to let us know they are enjoying the Caribbean.

The Grasers send a card from Idaho. Billie and Bob Hunter are in San Diego. Katherine Lively celebrated a reunion in Atlanta. And Michael and Janell Taylor, of Evans, found 117 degree temperatures in Arizona. Donna, B.J., Louise and Pat are having fun at the Atlantic City casinos.

And Bill and Sandra Kelly, of Martinez, say on their postcard that there are beautiful views in Pennsylvania.

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TODAY'S JOKE: Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Miss Smith stopped to gently correct the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Miss Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.