It's possible for girl, mom to compromise on clothes

THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM: My mom tries to dictate my closet. I have a favorite style, and my mom really likes preppy clothes (which I really don't go for), so she always tries to make me buy stuff from stores such as American Eagle, even though she knows I don't like it. When I tell her "no," she starts yelling at me because I'm "too picky," and leaves the store in a rage.

I'm too young to go out and buy my own clothes (no car, no job). How can I get her to stop?

HERE'S WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY TO THIS 15-YEAR-OLD: At least your mom is buying you clothes. Instead of being so ungrateful, remember it's not the clothes that make the person, it's the person who makes the clothes.

XTREME REPORTER KAMILLE BOSTICK SAYS: Because you are so young, your mom does have a say in what you wear. Though it shouldn't mean that you feel trapped into wearing clothes that don't fit your personality or style and make you uncomfortable, it also doesn't mean you should be given free rein over your wardrobe.

Having some parental guidance in your closet doesn't have to be one big disagreement, though, especially if you and your mom start to approach it as less about making the other leave behind her style and more about the both of you embracing and respecting the other's preferences.

Once she's in American Eagle, it probably is too late to start talking about those preferences, however. She'll think you are being unfair and extra picky if you brought up what you'd never wear in front of an entire display of it.

Get some catalogs or magazines that show off your style of dress and have a casual conversation with your mom about why you like certain clothes before you go shopping. Think of saying, "I love these shoes, they're not so high I'd feel like I'm on some runway, and they'd go perfect with my new skirt I bought from my favorite store." You can even show off what you dislike and explain why.

Before or during your next shopping trip, instead of her trotting you around to stores you'd never go in and buy things you'd never want to wear, why not ask your mom to come "window shopping" with you. Take her to some of your favorite stores and be extra-vocal about things that you find appealing. That way she can see what you like and how you respond to it. Having these experiences with you might just influence her decision on what she'd buy.

It's time you and your mom did things differently, and a big part of it is going to be your attitude toward things. Don't be whiny or stubborn when she suggests things you don't like but instead offer an alternative such as, "I'd like that shirt if it wasn't in hot pink, I think another store might have them in the colors I like."

Try to understand that this is an independence issue as much as it is about fashion. Your mom wanting to dress you probably has less to do with you and your clothing choices than it does about her vision for you. Sometimes parents have a hard time letting go of the fantasy and expectations they have for their child and letting their child grow into her own person.

As you grow up, I'm hopeful your mom will tire of taking you shopping, only to get frustrated when you protest wearing any of the clothes she likes. Soon enough, she'll tell you to finance your own wardrobe or resign herself to getting you those preppy clothes she likes only on those special occasions, such as birthdays and holidays. Just be patient.

NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM: What if you go to college and get a roommate (who) drinks, smokes and has sex, and it is something you don't believe in. Do you stay for the rest of the semester, month or year? What if your roommate is a slob or loud and obnoxious?

What would you say to this Martinez teen?

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