Originally created 06/04/06

Taboos abound in bridal shower invitation

Dear Carson: I'm so uptight about this "wedding-shower" business concerning relatives holding showers that I simply have to vent off some steam about it. I'm sending you an invitation for a shower given for the bride by the bride's mother. The groom is my grandson.

It seems that his future bride has gone hog wild. She lives in Ohio, and I live in South Carolina. Relatives in Alabama received invitations, too. There is no way that either set of relatives could go to a shower in Ohio. Why not just a wedding invitation? The bride even asked her future mother-in-law, my daughter, who lives in Indiana, about having a shower for them.

My daughter refused in as nice a way as she possibly could but said that she would have an "after-the-wedding" reception and stipulated "no gifts." This way, the groom's former church friends and others could meet the new bride. Is this the trend, for brides and grooms to suggest such outlandish things for wedding? - Growling Grandma

Dear GG: Thanks for the enclosures. Readers should know that the shower invitation also had enclosures: a bridal registry location and a wish list for events and excursions for the couple's honeymoon in Hawaii, with the monetary cost of each. It seems to me that this whole wedding-festivities affair is compounded with social etiquette taboos.

The first is that a member of the bride's or groom's immediate family never holds a shower. Second, it is the ultimate tacky thing to enclose anything about gifts. You can be proud of your daughter's response to the bride's request; a reception after the wedding is in perfect taste.

Dear Carson: In a recent column, you stated that wedding announcements should be sent weeks or months ahead of the ceremony. When my daughter was married out of state, I sent the announcements out the day after the wedding. Could I have misread your column? - Prompt & Proper

Dear Prompt: I remember the column, but could not find it in my computer. Either you misread it or I miswrote it. What I meant was that engagement announcements or "save the date" cards should be sent out way in advance of the actual wedding. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to clear this up.

Dear Carson: My husband and I recently had dinner in a resort dining room. The waitress tried to remove my plate after I had finished eating, but I declined, saying that I thought this was extremely rude. In my opinion, this makes the diners who are still eating feel as though they are being rushed.

The waitress, while being very polite, said that they were taught to remove a plate as soon as the diner finished, thereby taking the unsightly plate from the other diners' view. Who is correct? - Rule of Removal

Dear Rule of Removal: I agree with you whole-heartedly.

Write to Ask Carson, The Augusta Chronicle, P.O. Box 1928, Augusta, GA 30903-1928. Send e-mail to AskCarson@comcast.net. Carson Elliott's Web site is www.theproperthing.com.


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