Originally created 01/03/06

Watch out, 2007: We're on the way



The world is governed more by appearances than realities.

- Daniel Webster

Well, 2006 is off to fast start.

I was in the grocery store on New Year's Day and noticed that Christmas items are marked down and piled in the back corner, but Valentine's Day cards and candy are out and prominently displayed. In fact, they were right next to the sun-tan oil and flip-flops.

I predict 2006 will move along as swiftly as its predecessor.

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SHOPPER TIP: If you really find calendars useful, now is the time to buy them. Many are 50 percent off. And if you can wait until February, they might be down to a dollar apiece. (They make great Valentine's Day gifts.)

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SPEAKING OF TIME AND ROMANCE: The AARP Bulletin reports a party in Australia for Harriet the tortoise, who celebrated her 175th birthday in late 2005. Harriet is believed to be the world's oldest creature.

Harriet, however, will not be passing her long-living genes on to any offspring because she was 124 before tortoise-keepers correctly determined that she was a female and not a male.

It might have been an embarrassing discovery, but it did answer the mystery on why they couldn't mate her.

If you'd like to live to be 175, I suggest Harriet's diet, which includes string beans, eggplant, parsley and pink hibiscus flowers.

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TODAY'S JOKE: Here's a comment passed along by Bill Wood, of Hephzibah:

"I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But ... thank God, I still have my driver's license."

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.