Trying any and every thing could conserve gas

A word to the wise ain't necessary.

- Bill Cosby

Everyone's looking for ways to conserve gasoline, and I'm here to help. Some of the best I've heard are:

- When you stop filling up your gas tank, turn the nozzle 180 degrees. This will drain a bit more gas into your tank.

- When approaching a hill, accelerate. This will help you use up less gas while you are climbing the hill in your car.

- Tighten the gas cap. It stops evaporation.

- If you have a pizza delivery route, just drop by a car dealership and tell them you want to test drive a vehicle for a couple of hours. Remember not to put the portable delivery sign on the roof until you're out of their parking lot.

FRIDAY POP QUIZ: Chris Jones asks these questions.

1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is no money in the account?

3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are 4 billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?

4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest but duck when you throw a revolver at him?

8. Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? (I like this one)

SHORTAGE UPDATE: I have been unsuccessful in pushing the rumor of a pending newspaper shortage. I advise people to run out and buy all The Chronicles they can. And if the store runs out, don't worry.

We'll print more.

MORE MAIL: Fred and Hattie Blanchard send a postcard to say they are "having fun in Toronto, Niagara Falls, Ottawa and Quebec City."

Sandy and Myra Fisk of Sparta, Ga., are "having a great time in Puerto Vallarta where it's 'a little warm.'"

Martha Scott of Augusta sends a long card from a long way away - Calgary in Alberta, Canada, where she is attending a Fraternal Order of Eagles meeting.

And Jim, Becky, Jennifer, Thomas and John Robert Herzberg send greetings from Italy.

TODAY'S JOKE: This one comes from Billy Cooper.

A little boy went up to his mother and asked: "Mom, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

"Well son," she replied, "You must have gotten it from your father, because I still have mine."