Originally created 06/14/05

Plan something fun with estranged friend



This week's problem (from 17-year-old): I've been best friends with the same person since I moved into my current school system six years ago. We've been "two peas in a pod" for a while now, but she has a very serious boyfriend of more than a year. Although I don't mind her spending time with her boyfriend, she doesn't call me and I practically have to beg her to spend time with me outside of school. Since school has let out, I haven't heard a word from her. How should I approach the subject and keep our friendship strong?

XTREME REPORTER KAMILLE BOSTICK SAYS: Though it is easy to get caught up in the person you're dating, it's important to have a well-balanced social life that includes both old and new friends.

Hopefully, your friend knows this. If she doesn't, then you're going to have to step in and kindly remind her.

Schedule something fun together (lunch, a sporting event or a movie) and at the end of the night tell her how much you've missed hanging out and talking to her. After having such a good time with you, she's certain to agree.

After you've said how much you've missed her, mention without blaming her or her boyfriend (that's the perfect way to start a disagreement) how you would like for the both of you to make more time to hang out with each other and more of an effort to stay in touch. Explain that you've been finding yourself without a best friend lately and just thought you'd make the first move in getting things back on track.

The two of you then can get started on making other plans on how you can get together at a later date. The effort you make should be enough to help her realize she's been neglecting you, and if she's truly interested in continuing to be your friend, she'll come around.

Don't expect things to change overnight, but if after a month the friendship hasn't improved you're going to have to re-evaluate things.

Maybe you two are growing apart. It happens a lot when friendships evolve. Yours might be approaching a stage where you aren't best friends anymore. Understand that you are going to have to share your friend now that someone else is in her life, but know that you shouldn't have to beg her to be in yours.

Your friend, your "best friend" at that, should want to call and hang out and do things for you. She should want to check in and see how things are with you. If she can't or won't do that, then you need to find someone who will.

NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM

My boyfriend and I have been going together for almost two months now. There's nothing wrong with our relationship except that whenever we walk by each other (like if he's playing basketball) we won't even speak. I recently was at the MayFest with my brother, and my brother stopped to talk to him and we still didn't speak to each other, I just kept walking like I didn't see him. If we all are outside sitting around talking and joking, we are really close. Is there something wrong with our relationship? Am I the problem?

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