Don't take your barber's advice about vacation

"All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware."

- Martin Buber

June is almost here. The summer vacation season is about to begin, and what better way to mark them both than with this story:

It seems a local man dropped by the barber shop to get a haircut. Eventually the topic of summer vacations came up, and the barber asked his customer where he was going.

"Italy," the man said. "My wife and I have always wanted to see Rome."

The barber's mood suddenly changed.

"Why would you want to go to Rome? It's crowded. It's dirty. By the way, how are you getting there?

"We're flying on Delta," the man said.

"Delta?" asked the barber. "Why, they're terrible these days. The planes are old. The stewardesses are ugly, and they're always late. Where are you staying in Rome, anyway?"

"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott," the customer said.

"Oh no!" the barber said. "That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is nonexistent. Are you really sure you want to go to Rome?"

"Oh, yes," the customer said. "We're going to go to the Vatican, and we hope to see the new pope."

The barber was beside himself.

"Do you realize how many people want to see the new pope? You might get a glimpse of him from St. Peter's Square, but you'll be so far away. I've got to tell you," he said, finishing up the haircut, "I don't think this trip is going to work out."

A month passed, and the regular customer came back for his usual haircut. Naturally, the barber asked him about his summer vacation.

"It was great!" the man said. "Not only were we on time in one of Delta's new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28-year-old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.

"And the hotel - it was great, too ! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job, and it's so popular, they had overbooked. They apologized and tried to make it up to us by giving us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky," the customer said. "As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope wanted to personally meet some of the American visitors that day. My wife and I were ushered into a private room, and we got to meet him.

"It was truly wonderful. He didn't have much time, but he did get to talk, and he did get to ask me a few questions."

"Really?" asked the barber. "What did he ask?"

"Well," said the customer, "he wondered when did Americans start wearing such funny haircuts."

SUMMER TRAVELS? Don't forget to send along a postcard from your trip. Just mail them to me at The Augusta Chronicle, 725 Broad St., Augusta, GA 30901.

TODAY'S JOKE: A man says to his girlfriend, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman says, "I'll miss you."