Going sockless can free you - even from the truth

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

- Church bulletin

I'm not wearing socks.

I decided to skip them for a day just to see what it felt like. I got the idea from the Rev. James Adams at Grace United Methodist Church in North Augusta, whose lack of ankle hosiery was pointed out to me at Wednesday's lunch meeting of United Methodist Women.

I confessed that I was not surprised. In fact, I long suspected that since Methodist preachers began wearing robes instead of suits 30 years ago, many now took to their pulpits with only shorts and T-shirts under black formal wear.

Anyway, we had a good lunch, and I entertained them all with tales of the honorable pursuits of journalism, including the time Lewis Grizzard, Atlanta Mayor Andrew Young, an exotic dancer and I all ended up in a bar. And I later had to try to convince Mr. Grizzard's fiance that the exotic dancer had arrived on the arm of the mayor.

I considered the falsehood acceptable because I had my toes crossed - something I've found easier to do if you're not wearing socks.

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PURSUING TRUTH: Speaking of honorable pursuits, someone has passed along the latest translations of current marketing phrases.

"All new:" Parts not interchangeable with previous design.

"Futuristic:" No other reason why it looks the way it does.

"Hand-crafted:" Assembly machines operated without gloves on.

"Improved:" Didn't work the first time.

"New:" Different color.

"Redesigned:" Previous faults corrected, we hope.

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HOLA: For those of you who slept through Thursday, Happy Sies de Mayo.

l

TODAY'S JOKE: And speaking of marketing ... a software manager, a hardware manager and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows on the car. They get out of the car and look at the problem.

The software manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a hardware problem."

The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself."

The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75 percent of it is working - let's ship it!"