I've been doing a lot of heavy breathing and touching on my Nintendo DS lately. And before your mind hits the gutter, no, it's not some warped love affair with technology.
Blame it on "WarioWare: Touched!" a new video game that Nintendo should consider packing with every DS.
This series of increasingly frantic minigames won't appeal to everyone, but it delivers what you'd expect from a hand-held game system with a touch-screen: lots of interactivity.
Whether you're on layover at the airport, riding a subway or just kicking back at home, it's a time passer requiring your full attention.
There's a paper-thin story involving Wario, Mario's archenemy, falling into a manhole and then scheming with a cast of characters to devise new minigames.
Intentional or not, the games are often as bizarre as they are brief.
In one, you have a few seconds to yank hair follicles from skin by dragging the stylus across the lower touch-screen. Another involves slicing off a long string of snot leaking from the nose of a woman who looks as though she's about to hit a nightclub.
Other times, I had to blow bubbles into a glass of water or shoot spit balls at cans - by blowing into the DS microphone.
It's hit-and-miss for several reasons.
I enjoyed one area where I had to blow and gently guide a flitting seedling to the ground while dodging ducks, dragonflies and flying fish. Other times, the games seemed half-baked, such as one where I simply traced a line from a girl to a boy to bring them together. Not much of a challenge, really.
The graphics vary wildly, from well-rendered 3-D images that smoothly glide across the dual screens, to a smattering of pixels that a child might draw with his eyes closed.
Completing missions unlocks toys, but these are rather dull and only detract from the overall game.
Lowlights include a crudely drawn picture of a grandmother holding a cup of steaming tea. If you blow into the microphone during this "Grandma Simulator" - I'm not making this stuff up, that's what it's called - she dispenses bizarre nuggets of wisdom, such as "Wario is a big grump" or "practice makes pudding." I don't know what she's drinking, but I don't think it's tea.
I blazed through the entire E-rated, $35 title in a day of solid playing - not something I recommend doing.
The intensifying, quickening music, the increasingly fast pace of the games, it all got to be a bit overstimulating. By the end of the day, I was bug-eyed and worn out, as if I had chugged a pitcher of espresso.
Limit your exposure to an hour at a stretch and you should be OK.
The lack of a networked option was a real disappointment, considering every DS comes with the wireless capability.
For a system that prides itself on interactivity, "WarioWare: Touched!" is a notable complement. It's a shallow, inconsistent experience, though, and one I suspect will wear on you after a while.
Two and stars out of four.
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