Originally created 03/01/05

16-year-old should stay home, live her own lifeteen advice



This week's problem: My boyfriend wants me to move to Florida with him. I really want to go, but at the same time I don't want to leave because I'm afraid of what my mama might say. But I want to leave because I don't want us to split up.

HERE'S your advice for this 16-year-old:

  • You know in your heart that moving with your boyfriend is not a sound choice or you wouldn't be second-guessing yourself. Your reservations are telling you not to go. He might be your current flame, but she will always be your mom. If it is really meant to be, time and distance won't matter.
  • News flash: You're only 16! Think about that. You have so many things waiting for you in life such as graduating from high school and going to college maybe. When you move to Florida, who's going to take care of you? You're not even old enough to get a car title in your name or an apartment. If your boyfriend breaks up with you when you move with him, what are you going to do? Stay at home and focus on your life, not your boyfriend's.
  • Think about the pros and cons about moving to Florida. If you really think that you want to do this, then talk it over with your mom and get her advice. Then, listen to your mother. If I had listened to my mother when I was a teenager, my life would have turned out a whole lot better.
  • Xtreme reporter Kamille Bostick says: As much as you might be flattered that your boyfriend asked you to move to Florida with him, you shouldn't be foolish enough to do so.

    It's a lot to leave your family, friends and everything and everyone you've ever known to go be with someone in a new place. You're too young to want to give up all the comfort and support you have here to follow a guy who didn't even have the forethought to know that now is not the time for you to pick up and move.

    At 16, I'm sure you have a lot going on in life, including plans of your own on what you want to achieve. Those should be your focus , not preserving a relationship that already is doomed if it can't survive across state lines.

    The fact that your boyfriend asked you to move with him shows that the two of you aren't being realistic. There are many issues to consider when moving out on your own and starting a life with someone. Has either of you thought how each of you will be fed, schooled and clothed? Who will pay for your medical expenses if you're in Florida? Who'll make sure you have electricity?

    You can't live off love, and you certainly can't bank on it. What will happen if the two of you break up? Will you have to move back home or will you have to fend for yourself? Better yet, will you be able to move back home or take care of yourself?

    Don't do this. You're right to fear what your mom might say, but you shouldn't evade it. She's going to tell you that you're too young, you're not ready and she's not going to let you move to Florida with your boyfriend. You'll be mad, but she'll be right.

    Distance is no match for love. If what you two have is genuine, then in two , four or five years , whenever you two get to the same place (geographically and emotionally), the love will still be there. If it is truly a good love, it will be stronger.

    Work on ways to stay in contact with your boyfriend rather than trying to figure out how to move with him. Start planning a summer visit, enjoy these last days together and leave the rest to fate.

    Next week's problem

    Two close friends of mine whom I have known for years go places such as the malls, dances and fast-food restaurants wearing very short skirts, with no underpants on - nothing under their skirt! They have been trying to get me to join them in doing this, and they want to try this in school with the skirts they can wear in school. What can I say to tell them this is a very dangerous game? If they get exposed, they can get expelled, and their reputations would be ruined. I am not going to join them in doing this. I want to get them to stop before they get in a lot of trouble. Help, what can I say?

    Do you have any advice for this 16-year-old Augusta girl?

    Use the form below to submit your reply or call the Advice Line voice mailbox at 823-3358. You'll have one minute to reply.

    Got a problem? Use the form below to tell us about it or call the Advice Line voice mailbox at 823-3358. You'll have one minute to give us your situation. Please speak clearly and state your age and the town you live in.

    You can also e-mail your problems to kamille.bostick@augustachronicle.com. Put "Advice Line" in the subject line. Remember to include your age and hometown. All e-mail addresses will be kept confidential. Questions may be condensed for space.