Family should not be throwing baby shower

Dear Carson: I am planning a baby shower for my friend but found out her husband's family also was thinking about holding a shower. Because I was the first to initiate, she gave me a list of all the family and friends to call for the event. Having learned my lesson in the past (of not offering his family the opportunity to be co-hosts and they were offended) I again gave them the opportunity to give the shower with me. They were further upset this time, because I did offer them the opportunity to be co-hosts.

I did not ask them to contribute money, so I called the mother to try and settle this matter. I took on the responsibility of planning the whole event, including footing the bill, and now the family feels as though they were not sufficiently involved. Do I bow out and just let the family give the shower? Was it inappropriate of me to offer this to them in the first place? - The Underdog

Dear Underdog: First of all, it is strictly inappropriate for any family member to hold a shower. It makes the affair look more like a fund-raiser than a celebratory event. Second, you are an example of the adage "a good deed never goes unpunished." In this instance there is no way to please everyone concerned, so please yourself and by doing that at least you will be pleased.

Dear Carson: I received three wedding invitations from my nephew that were addressed to my home; one to my daughter, who has an apartment in town, and one to my son, who is serving overseas. My nephew knows both cousins live away from home, so I can only conclude he is too lazy to ask his relatives for their addresses. When I opened the envelope addressed to my husband and me, four registry cards fell out. Am I a curmudgeon that the registry cards cheapened the formal invitation? What is the proper way to disseminate the information about where a couple is registered? ñ Gift Registration Rules

Dear GRR: It is customary for the bride's family to send out the invitations, but your nephew's laziness cast an added burden on you. Including gift registration cards in a wedding invitation is tacky in the extreme. If a wedding guest wants ideas on gifts he or she should ask someone in the bride's family where the couple is registered.

Dear Carson: Should the rehearsal dinner, paid for by the groom's family, include just the wedding party and their spouses or a date? ñ Guessing About Guest List

Dear Guessing: At least include that number plus out-of-town guests, but many more if you choose.

Dear Readers: I had two responses (to a previous column) that explained why women's blouses are buttoned on the left side. It is because in earlier times, women had maids or others who helped them dress. When you consider the point of view of a person helping you dress, having the buttons on the left would be easier for the dresser to manipulate.

Write to Ask Carson, The Augusta Chronicle, P.O. Box 1928, Augusta, GA 30903-1928. Send e-mail to AskCarson@comcast.net. Carson Elliott's Web site is www.theproperthing.com.