Caller ID, remote control make world a happy place

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

- U.S. Army Infantry Journal

I took a day off earlier this week and came to the conclusion that modern technology has just about reached its pinnacle.

"Television is indeed wonderful," I said (to myself) from the den couch, "but the remote control makes it just about perfect."

Likewise, I concluded, telephones are amazing devices, but I don't think they achieved their true potential until Caller ID made it possible for me to ignore so many calls I didn't want to deal with.

Yes, I discovered, despite a long history of snarling hostility with telephone solicitations, not to mention my participation in a variety of Do-Not-Call listings services, my number still gets automatically dialed a lot during a regular day.

By reading the little number on several house phones, I continue to thwart their success.

MILITARY WISDOM: James Hartman passes along a very funny collection.

"Aim towards the enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Army rocket launcher

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you've just bombed." - U.S. Air Force manual

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." - U.S. Air Force ammo troop

"Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo." "If the attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." "Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you." - all from the U.S. Army Infantry Journal

CALENDAR CALL: Only 10 more shopping months and it's Christmas morning.

MORE MAIL: Michael and Ines send a postcard from New York City. They say the tour of the United Nations was very informative.

TODAY'S JOKE: A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."

Three days later, he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, knocking him out cold.

When he came to, he asked, "What was that for?"

"Well," she said, "your horse called."