Sickness is rarely to blame for missing work

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terrible important.

- Bertrand Russell

We all know this is the time of year when a lot of folks call in sick at work.

Most of them probably aren't.

Yes, the 2004 CCH Unscheduled Absence Survey, conducted for CCH by Harris Interactive, reports that only about 38 percent of unscheduled absences are for illness.

The other 62 percent include: family issues (23 percent), personal needs (18 percent) and stress (11 percent).

Truthfully, I imagine the faux illnesses are much more rampant because few people I know confess their deceptions to national surveyors.

Anyway, the Career Builders folks were kind enough to provide a list of the most unique absentee excuses fielded by human resources professionals. They include:

 •  I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.

 •  My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.

 •  I couldn't find my shoes.

 •  My curlers burned my hair, and I had to go to the hairdresser.

 •  My cat unplugged my alarm clock.

 •  A tree fell on my car.

 •  My monkey died.

And if you feel bad this morning, feel free to use any of these suggestions.

TODAY'S JOKE: A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her 5- and 6-year-olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor thy Father and thy Mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."