Host should be present at each dining table

Dear Carson: I was invited to a seated dinner during the holidays. Two tables were set up in separate rooms. Both the hosts sat at the main table, and those of us at the secondary table felt like red-headed stepchildren. We were not included in any of the conversation and pretty much had to fend for ourselves. When you have a setup like that, is there a particular etiquette to cover topics such as this? – Red-Headed Stepchild

Dear Stepchild: When hosts have two tables, one host should sit at each table. When there are multiple tables, there should be place cards or an understanding with family that responsibilities of hosts should be shared. This way no one feels as though they've been sent into exile and that they are warmly included. This is a definite and longstanding rule of etiquette.

Dear Carson: Please enlighten me as to the proper Christmas gift etiquette for the following situations:

My close friends know that I worked more than one job to pay family medical bills. I had lost the second job right at the start and cut expenses to live on one job.

Before Christmas we all agreed to cut down on gifts among us. The size of gifts used to be $1 to $3 items, but each one gave me more expensive gifts.

Also, all five of my co-workers gave a gift to each of the janitors on our floor. The janitors were delighted and made a point of showing off their gifts to everyone on the floor. Naturally, I stood out as the "Grinch,"

Also, three friends with whom I've never exchanged gifts presented me with bags of expensive items, saying I deserved them for my help during this past year, or in one case because the woman noticed the holes in my gloves and one of my jackets.

I am mortified. Am I supposed to bring a gift to the janitors or upsize gifts to co-workers? What should I say to folks who gave me lavish gifts when I didn't expect any? – Gifted Too Much

Dear Gifted: Don't try to make up for anything by upgrading your gifts. Just thank them for what they did for you. Your friends and co-workers know your situation, so nothing further is required of you.

Dear Carson: As someone who is always addressing thousands of invitations, I sometimes come up with something that challenges my experience. This time it is a couple where the doctor is the wife and the husband is a businessman. Should the envelope be addressed to "Mr. and Dr. Marion Smith? She took his last name. – Stumped Secretary

Dear Secretary: If the doctor and her husband have the same last name you would address them as: "Mr. John and Dr. Mary Smith". If they have different last names you would address them as: Mr. John Brown and Dr. Mary Smith" or you would address them on two separate lines and in alphabetical order. Many such couples have told me that for social invitations they prefer to be addressed as "Mr. and Mrs."

Write to Ask Carson, The Augusta Chronicle, P.O. Box 1928, Augusta, GA 30903-1928. Send e-mail to AskCarson@comcast.net. Carson Elliott's Web site is theproperthing.com.