It's a statement that on one hand makes no sense, but on the other perfectly defines Charles Howell circa 2004.
"I am where I want to be but I'm not where I want to be," Howell said.
There you have Howell in a nutshell. The 25-year-old Augusta native is simultaneously one of the most accomplished golfers in the world who has not accomplished enough. He's the kind of player who can finished 33rd on the PGA Tour money list and have the season arguably written off as a failure.
Would that we all could earn $1.7 million from our learning experiences.
Yet that is the epitome of Howell as he prepares for his fourth full season on the PGA Tour. He hasn't produced a victory in 64 consecutive attempts dating back to 2002. His profits fell 33 percent last year. He slipped almost 40 spots in the world ranking in 52 weeks.
"If that's the worst year I ever have, I'll be doing fine," said Howell, who can see things as both half full and half empty. "I'm not the least bit frustrated coming off of last year. I'm coming in a little under the radar, which is fine with me."
Under the radar is relative when it comes to golf's presumed heirs such as Howell. Even coming off his toughest season as a professional - the only statistical category that Howell finished in the top 50 in was money - more is expected of him.
There is no reason to believe Howell isn't primed for another "breakout" year in 2005. In the closest thing professional golf has to a preseason ranking, Golf World magazine picked him 12th heading into the new year. Of the 11 players in front of him, 10 were already ranked in the world's top 11 and the other (David Toms) is No. 20.
Howell never lacks for confidence. And the confidence others place in him comes from the notion that most of his problems in 2004 are easily fixable with a little smarter game-planning.
There is a reason car rental agencies and the House of Representatives require an age limit of 25. The best decisions in life aren't wasted on youth.
Howell will admit that his 25th year on this Earth wasn't marked by his best decision-making. It wasn't prudent changing equipment almost on a weekly basis. It wasn't the sharpest idea to start a long season with a West Coast marathon. And it certainly wasn't the best call for Howell - a bridesmaid four times since his only victory on the PGA Tour - to respectfully decline being a groomsman in the closest thing golf has ever had to a royal wedding.
"Hind-sight is 20/20," Howell said of his decision to skip Tiger Woods' wedding in Barbados to continue his failed late-season push to qualify for the Tour Championship.
It was a business decision that didn't pan out. He missed the cut in Vegas, missed the top-30 and missed the wedding event of a lifetime and the goodwill that would have come from it.
"Tiger understands," said Howell of his friendship with a player who holds loyalty in the highest regard. "We're fine."
While he regrets missing the wedding, Howell doesn't necessarily regret missing East Lake.
"It might have been a good thing for me that I didn't get into the Tour Championship," Howell said of the flaws in his season that reaching that goal might have masked.
"I'm not trying sugar coat it."
Howell understands the criticism of his results relative to his potential. Much more is expected of him than consistency and nice payouts.
"If you go off winning golf tournaments, yes they are disappointed," he said of his fans. "So am I."
Howell possesses talent and focus that still can't be easily defined with numbers. In the final official world ranking of 2003, Howell was rated No. 18. By the end of the Masters Tournament, he had slipped to 31st. After the PGA Championship he was 37th. In the latest ranking released before the 2005 season, Howell had fallen to 57th in the world. He hadn't been ranked that low since he was 60th on September 29, 2002, the week before his first and still only PGA Tour victory.
Howell says the ranking doesn't accurately reflect the state of his game.
"In 2003 after I finished second in L.A. (Nissan Open), I was ranked 15th in the world," Howell said of his high-water mark. "Now I'm around the 50s. Today I feel I'm a far better player than I was then."
Howell learned a lot from the season that was. He spent too much time experimenting and switching equipment, and burned himself out with an overloaded eight straight tournaments on the West Coast.
He won't repeat the same mistakes this time.
"My goal is to go into 2005 with clubs and I want to start and finish the season with the same stuff," Howell said. "I don't see the top-ranked players in the equipment trailer too much every week."
It's what Howell does with that equipment that ultimately matters. To improve that end, Howell has structured his tireless practice sessions differently. His off-season time with instructor David Leadbetter was dominated with work from 100 yards and in.
Howell's primary goals remain fixed - win tournaments (preferably majors), qualify for the Tour Championship (in which he was runner-up two years running) and qualify for international team play.
With the Presidents Cup returning to America this year, Howell has his sights set on getting back on the U.S. team he earned three points for in 2003.
"That's important to me and it takes a top priority," said Howell, already 18th in the American standings in the money-based Presidents Cup points system.
"But I'm not going to let goal of making that team paralyze me from doing the rest of the things I need to do."
It's the rest of those things that in 2005 could carry Howell the short trip to where he really wants to be - which is where he is, only better.
Reach Scott Michaux at (706) 823-3219 or scott.michaux@augustachronicle.com.
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