It's hard to pick what the dog should watch

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

– Ernie Kovacs

I worry about my dog.

He's a house dog, and we have to leave him inside most of the day while his two-legged family members are at work or school.

I have noticed he seemed calmer when we left the TV set on. It made things appear more normal and he would relax and sleep a lot.

Of course my wife, who worries about the dog more than I do, began to consider what shows we should leave on.

Situation comedies have irritating canned laughter in the background. This, she reasoned, might keep him perpetually agitated.

Superstation channels seem to focus on crime dramas ("Too violent," said Mom.)

The sports channels these days have too much police and court news (See crime above.)

My wife wondered if he might like Fox News.

"No," I said thoughtfully, "I think cats watch that one."

My 10-year-old suggested he watch educational television because "it always makes me go to sleep."

I favored news shows, although I noticed neither CNN nor MSNBC seemed to hold his interest.

So this week I've left him watching the Animal Planet channel.

I figure there's an untapped market out there for animal programming. From the amount of commercials, I suspect the pet food companies are already onto this.

TO START YOUR DAY WITH POSITIVE OUTLOOK:

1. Open a new file in your PC.

2. Name it "Housework."

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.

5. Your PC will ask you...

"Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly.

7. Feel better?

TODAY'S JOKE: Here's one passed along by Billy Cooper.

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving farther along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bill.kirby@augustachronicle.com.