Originally created 11/23/04

Confront naysayers about boy and his alleged games



THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM: There's this sophomore that I'm feeling. He's perfect: looks, personality, and all. I think we have a connection.

He's always flirting with me and asking me if I like him, and he gets mad when I flirt with or talk to other guys. But so many people say he doesn't like me, that he's just a big flirt. What I want to know is, should I be down for the game he's running?

HERE'S YOUR ADVICE:

 •  You shouldn't listen to what everybody tells you, but go by what you see. If you see him flirting with other girls, then (you flirt with other guys). And when he gets mad when you talk to other boys tell him that you're just doing the same thing he's doing.

 •  Well, I think that if he gets mad because you flirt with other guys, then that might be some jealousy to let you know he likes you. The people that say he doesn't like you might be jealous because he might he a good guy to date and some of his attention is going towards you. I think he isn't running any games, and if he's taking too long to make the move you want, then you should make your first move to see if he's really running game.

 •  If this guy is being possessive of you and you're not even dating, imagine what he'll be like when you are! No matter how attractive you think this guy is, you shouldn't let him tell you who you can and cannot talk to.

XTREME REPORTER KAMILLE BOSTICK SAYS: Who said this guy was running game? He flirts with you, asks you whether you like him, even gets a little jealous (that's not a good thing, a relationship should never equal ownership), yet you think he's untrue because "people say" he doesn't like you and that he's just a big flirt.

Who are these people, and why do you trust their judgment more than your own?

Granted, you can't be around this guy all the time, and he wouldn't be the first to smile in your face one minute and then be all over another girl the next, but are you certain that this is the type of guy he is? He might seriously like you and be willing to quit talking to every other girl in school, if you two get together.

Why don't you just confront him and those people who say he isn't really interested in you. Ask him whether he's serious about wanting to get together with you or whether he just likes to sweet talk everyone made of sugar, spice and all things nice.

Ask those people who are saying he's gaming every girl in school to provide names.

You wouldn't need to get angry with these girls (that's petty) but you can at least ask them whether the guy has been trying to hook up with them, too.

Do your homework: Don't go just on what people say. A little skepticism is good, but you should use it in more than just one place.

Be as much a skeptic about what reason and evidence these people have to call this guy a flirt as you are a skeptic about whether this guy is sincere.

If you do this and still feel as though this guy is running game on you, then don't get involved with him. It's one thing to be played for a fool, quite another to play yourself.

NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM

I have been with this guy for three years, and I really love him a lot and he just proposed to me. I am getting ready to graduate in May and go off to college, and want to keep my options open because you do meet so many new people, and since I am so young I am not sure that he is the right one. I am not sure if I should accept his offer. What should I do?

Do you have any advice for this 18-year-old Lincolnton girl? Fill out the form below, or call the Advice Line voice mailbox at 823-3358. You'll have one minute to reply.

Got a problem? Fill out the form below, or call the Advice Line voice mailbox at 823-3358. You'll have one minute to give us your situation. Speak clearly and state your age and the town you live in.You can also e-mail your problems to kamille.bostick@augustachronicle.com. Put "Advice Line" in the subject line. Remember to include your age and hometown. All e-mail addresses will be kept confidential. Questions may be condensed for space.