Originally created 08/20/04

Bulletins at church could use an editor



If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

- Tallulah Bankhead

It was great visiting at Hillcrest Baptist Church earlier this week and seeing so many old friends.

The subject of newspaper mistakes came up, and I told them mistakes are an unfortunate part of all our lives.

For example, at my church we always knew when the secretary was on vacation because the preacher had to type up the Sunday bulletin and typos were more apparent.

Usually they're not as obvious as these church bulletin mistakes, which someone passed along.

"Tonight's sermon: 'What is hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice."

"The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment."

"The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning."

"Miss Charlene Mason sang I Will Not Pass This Way Again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."

"A missionary from Africa named Bertha Belch is speaking at Calvary Memorial Church. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."

"The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday."

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MAILBAG: Speaking of old friends, The Ellingtons (Joe, Barbara and Jarrett) took time from their summer vacation to send in a series of nine postcards. The cards were numbered so I could follow the trip: Sedona, Ariz.; the Grand Canyon; Jerome, Ariz.; Phoenix; Yosemite National Park; the Ponderosa Ranch (from the Bonanza TV show); Crater Lake; Coast Highway 1; and San Francisco. My favorite shows a huge cactus flattening an empty car in a parking lot.

Elsewhere, Fred and Hattie Blanchard sent a postcard from Boston on their way to Montreal, while Richard and Diane, of Hephzibah, sent one from Nova Scotia.

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BULLDOG BITE: An Alabama newspaper reports that Vince Dooley, recently pushed into retirement at the University of Georgia, is being pursued to take over the athletics department at rival Auburn University. Wouldn't that be interesting?

Maybe he could hire Steve Spurrier to coach the football team.

TODAY'S JOKE: A nice thing about visiting at Hillcrest Baptist was so many people brought me copies of their favorite jokes on notecards. They said they didn't want me to run out. Here's an example:

A man made his first visit to an attorney and cautiously asked him, "What are your rates?"

"That's simple," the lawyer said, "I will answer three questions for $100."

"Isn't that a little steep?" the prospective client asked.

"Perhaps," said the lawyer; "now, what's your third question?"