The week ahead

I have no problem with extreme sports. Watching some idiot hurtle down an icy slope on a plastic garbage can lid or leap an old Schwinn Sting-Ray over 73 flaming school buses not only entertains, it offers the safe-and-sound television viewer a feeling of superiority because, well, we're smart enough to avoid such activities.

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What I have a problem with is the athletes who participate in these events. Somewhere along the line, they seem to have started believing their own press. Sure, there's a certain amount of physicality and courage involved in naked fireball ice racing, or whatever the sport du jour might be, but these guys are by no means the pinnacle of physical training and raw determination.

That honor belongs to the men who mount up every year for the Tour de France. The annual marathon trek through France, which began Saturday and continues through July 25, requires as much pure effort, both mental and physical, as any event on the planet. That, my friends, is extreme. It's also this week's Best Bet. Show 'em again Lance.

Here's what else is going on this week.

MONDAY

THE ROCKET'S RED WRAPPER

In England, there's a tradition called Boxing Day, which occurs the day after Christmas. It's sort of a national day of decompression, when people are allowed 24 hours to recuperate from whatever havoc the holidays have inflicted. I think we need one of those for Independence Day. Not only would it allow an opportunity to rub aloe on those post-picnic sunburns, but I usually need an hour or so to clean up the refuse of spent fireworks that invariably litter my yard the day after. It literally looks like a bomb went off.

TUESDAY

GOOD VS. EVIL

Today marks the return of two reality shows, one creative, entertaining and criminally underwatched, the other clearly the work of Satan. At 8 p.m. on CBS, the latest incarnation of Big Brother, the show that imprisons the irritating and then seduces millions of Americans into watching the wheels fall off, premieres. Fortunately, the far superior Amazing Race follows at 9:30 p.m. on the same network. So everyone who feels the certain sense of Big Brother dirtiness can cleanse their television palate.

WEDNESDAY

WHERE'S THE POINTY WIZARD'S HAT?

The idea behind King Arthur, the big-budget adventure tale that opens theatrically today, is to imagine the famous legend as, historically, it might really have happened. But here's the thing. I don't want to see Arthur in Roman regalia, nor do I want to see Merlin reduced to the role of adviser. I want shining armor, magic spells and some jousting. I don't think that's asking too much, is it?

FRIDAY

WHO AM I KIDDING?

I want to alert movie fans to a smaller movie being released today that has sort of crept in under the radar. It's called Sleepover, and it's about, well, a sleepover, I guess, and it has that girl who was in Spy Kids in it with some other people and ... oh, never mind. Check out Anchorman. It opens today, and advance word says it's milk-out-your-nose funny.

SUNDAY

CAN WE GET A DO-OVER?

Today marks the final games of the first half of baseball season, and my beloved Mariners are, oh, I don't know, maybe 50 games out of first place. In the minor leagues, they start over at this point, everyone with a clean slate. Suddenly, that doesn't seem like such a silly idea.

Reach Steven Uhles at (706) 823-3626 or steven.uhles@augustachronicle.com.