THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM: I've been dating this boy for almost a year now and I care about him. He says he cares about me, too, but he wants us to take our relationship to another level by having sex. I had sex in the past, and it is something I feel I should wait for. I care about him, but I'm not ready to have sex with him. I just don't know how to tell him. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him.
HERE'S WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY:
XTREME REPORTER KAMILLE BOSTICK SAYS: I'm glad you see sex as something you should wait for. With the possibility of pregnancy and the risk for getting sexually transmitted diseases, sex isn't something that should be rushed in to.
Despite how much your boyfriend cares for you or how long you've been together, if you're uncomfortable or not ready to have sex, you don't have to. There's no wrong way to tell him so, either.
I suggest you sit down face to face and let him know that regardless of how much he cares for you and you for him, your decision about not having sex is not about him. Be firm. Be direct. Be unapologetic (you've no reason to feel bad about wanting to keep things as they are).
Explain that long before he came into the picture you made a pact with yourself that you weren't going to get involved so intimately. Let him know that sex isn't an end-of-course exam for you. It's not something you do just to get promoted.
While you're at it, you need to tell him that taking a relationship to the "next level" requires more than increasing the amount of physical interaction. It's bogus to believe that a relationship can't grow unless two people begin having sex. Ask this guy to be a little more creative in finding ways to develop your relationship. Maybe instead of him following his hormones he should follow his heart.
Sex isn't a magic wand. It can't make someone stay and it definitely doesn't make a relationship more stable or valuable. If this guy truly cares for you, he will be with you even if you take a vow of chastity.
Far too often we try to please people, but at what price? Keeping this guy isn't worth much if you lose your self-respect. Stick to your convictions. Not having sex is your choice, and you have all the right to choose it.
NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM
I'm talking to this boy at school. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, but we talk seriously. He doesn't seem to get that I want to be more than what we are, and every time I see him he's constantly flirting with some other girl. I really like him and want this to work. What should I do?Do you have any advice for this 15-year-old Augusta girl?
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