Originally created 03/16/04

Girl needs to write off boyfriend she gave up

I have been talking to this boy for about four months, and we broke up about one month ago but we are still friends. I have more feelings for him now than I had when we were going together, but he has a girlfriend. Should I tell him about my feelings or should we just stay friends?

Xtreme reporter Kamille Bostick says: Unless you want to ruin two relationships - his and hers and his and yours - don't tell your ex that you like him more than before.

Telling him would be selfish on your part, and a little silly. If this guy cared half as much about you as you do about him, then he wouldn't be involved with another girl so soon.

Ask yourself what could happen if you told him?

He could end it with this girl he's with now, but I doubt it. Why give up on someone new just because the girl whom he dated before has decided that she cares more now? He's going to think you are fickle, or possibly out to make sure he's not happy and he's going to resent you for it.

The reason you feel stronger for this guy now is that he's unattainable. You've built him up in your head, and in your loneliness he has come to be more than what you first thought. It's all an illusion, though.

You're afraid you are missing out on something so you want back in, but think before you leap. Is this guy really different, or does he just appear different under the glow of secret admiration and the shadow of jealousy?

He may be, but, honestly, if he was so great, he wouldn't be your ex-boyfriend. You don't just let a great guy go, and if you did, then you have to live with the fact that he's moved on.

One month apart is hardly enough time for either of you to have sorted out your feelings or have had time to change. Be content to just be friends right now. It will give you a chance to learn who he really is and what it is you really want. When he's single again, then you can let him know that you are still interested, even more interested in him.

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