Originally created 01/13/04

Girl should ask friend about their relationship



THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM: On an e-mail that asked, "Who are your best friends?" my friend put down two other names and not mine. I really thought we were very close friends. Should I ask her what happened to our friendship?

Here's what you had to say to this girl:

  • She probably just forgot to put your name on it, or she's just confused.
  • Xtreme reporter Kamille Bostick says: I'm not sure it is wise to take your friendship clues from chain e-mails like the one you mentioned. Who knows who actually sent the message or even if the person who filled it out was being serious or thorough?

    Don't hold it against your friend that she didn't list you. Given the nature of the system, people generally e-mail on the fly.

    Still, you raise an interesting point. Here you were thinking you were close friends with someone, and she didn't even acknowledge you. I can imagine what seeing that did to your ego.

    We all want to be recognized for the things we do and the roles we play in people's lives, but we also have to reconcile whether getting the credit is worth more than doing the deed. We're not friends with people to get awards; it's a thankless job most of the time. We're friends because, somewhere unmapped by science and unknown to reason, we just are.

    If you're wondering why you weren't listed as her best friend, it could be that although this girl is your closest friend, you're not hers. It can happen. It does happen. Think about the little sibling or cousin who lights up when you come into the room. Sure, you like them, but not nearly as much as they like you. Not every friendship is equal on both sides (though the best ones are).

    Talk to your friend. Ask what has happened to the friendship. It's the only way to set your mind at ease and get a solid understanding of what you are to each other. Just make sure you are prepared for the answer.

    NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM

    This boy I like is kind of ugly, but he has a very good personality. All my friends say I shouldn't go with him because he is ugly. Is that true?

    Do you have any advice for this 15-year-old Augusta girl ?

    Go to augustachronicle.com/xtreme and look for this week's problem to submit your reply, or call the Advice Line voice mailbox at 823-3358. You'll have one minute to reply.

    Do you have a problem? Go to augustachronicle.com/xtreme and look for this week's problem to tell us about it, or call the Advice Line voice mailbox at 823-3358. You'll have one minute to give us your situation. Please speak clearly and state your age and the town you live in.

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