Originally created 12/16/03

Cheating in past could cause hurt in relationship



THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM: My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a month ago, and he does not live in this area. He wants to get back with me, but I wasn't so faithful to him during our time together. Should I tell him that I still care about him and all of the stuff that I've done?

Here is what you had to say to:

  • I don't believe that she should have to tell him anything that she's done during that time because they weren't dating. Perhaps trying to work things out with him and taking things back slow would be best for her.
  • A huge part of a relationship is honesty. If you really care about him, let him know that you do. I believe that you should tell him about your being unfaithful. He may be angry or hurt, but you have to take responsibility for your actions. Also, what if he found out perhaps from someone else later on?
  • Xtreme reporter Kamille Bostick says: You're between a rock and a hard place with this one. If you don't tell your ex-boyfriend about your previous cheating and he finds out, you run the chance of him never trusting you again. If you do tell him about it, he has reason to never trust you again.

    What are your motivations in this situation? Coming clean for your ex's sake is one thing; coming clean to clear your conscience is another. His knowing will do little to assuage your guilty conscience, especially if he's hurt by your admission.

    If your reason for not wanting to be up front is that you worry he won't get back with you if you he knows what you really did, you aren't doing either of you any favor.

    If you two have decided to start over in sort of a leave-the-past-behind arrangement, there is no reason for you to reveal your previous behavior. If that is not the case, tell the truth. Explain that you still care about him and would like this chance to treat him better. Relationships should be built on honesty, and if you have a tendency to be unfaithful your ex-boyfriend needs to know. Had this situation been the other way around, you'd want the same.

    I can't promise he'll take it well, but at least you would have made the first step toward building a solid relationship not plagued by your guilt and fear.

    NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM

    My boyfriend told me he loves me, but I'm too young to fall in love. I really don't know what to do. He says he loves me a lot and I care about him a lot, but I don't know how to tell him back. I don't want to break up with him. I don't want to say I'm in love with him yet.

    Do you have any advice for this 16-year-old Evans girl?

    Go to augustachronicle.com/xtreme and look for this week's problem to submit your reply or call the Advice Line voice mailbox at 823-3358. You'll have one minute to reply.

    Got a problem? Go to augustachronicle.com/xtreme and look for this week's problem to tell us about it or call the Advice Line voice mailbox at 823-3358. You'll have one minute to give us your situation. Please speak clearly and state your age and the town you live in.

    You can also e-mail your problems to kamille.bostick@augustachronicle.com. Put "Advice Line" in the subject line. Remember to include your age and hometown. All e-mail addresses will be kept confidential. Questions may be condensed for space.