Originally created 09/30/03

Parents disapprove of black boyfriend



THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM: My boyfriend is black, and my parents don't like it. What should I do?

Here's what you had to say to this girl:

  • Nobody can tell you who you like and who you don't like. If the feelings between you and your boyfriend are sincere, then color shouldn't matter, no matter what.
  • She should get a white boyfriend like she ought to get, then she wouldn't have no problem.
  • You got to make sure that it's the blackness that she doesn't like or maybe it's just him she doesn't like. You have to kind of do what you feel inside even though they don't like him. But you need to make sure that they approve of you dating this guy, just so you can be on the safe side.
  • I think you should tell your mother to stop being so prejudiced; those days are over with. There's nothing wrong with a black boyfriend or a white one. You need to tell them don't try to choose your relationship.
  • Xtreme reporter Kamille Bostick says: You can't change your parents' beliefs about race and love, just like they can't change who it is that you are dating. It's an exercise in futility to try to get them to believe differently if they are convinced about interracial relationships and strong in their opinions against them.

    What you can do is state your case and let time and familiarity work on your parents. Do things that will allow your parents to get to know your boyfriend, the person, instead of your boyfriend, the black guy. Show them how well he treats you and tell them that you have come to see beyond color and you only wish they would, too.

    While it's admirable that you want to please your parents, it is not always possible. You are growing up and becoming not only an adult but an individual. That means you have the opportunity to make your own choices, form your own beliefs and set the standards you want to live by. Those things might not line up with your parents, but it's your life and your heart. Use them well.

    NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM: "I've been dating this guy for about a year and I'm engaged to him, but we haven't told our parents. He's planning on telling them next year. I know his parents will be fine with it, but my mother won't be happy at all. I love him, but I'm afraid of what my mother will do."

    Do you have any advice for this girl?

    Call the Advice Line at 442-4444 and press 8614. You'll have one minute to answer.

    Got a problem? Call 442-4444 and press 8613. You'll have one minute to give us your situation. Please speak clearly and state your age and the town you live in.

    You can also e-mail your problems to kamille.bostick@augustachronicle.com. Put "Advice Line" in the subject line. All e-mail addresses will be kept confidential. Questions may be condensed for space.