Originally created 06/25/02

Girl faced with tough decision



THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM: My boyfriend wants me to have sex with him, but I don't know what to do. I'm Christian, and I'm supposed to be waiting until I get married. What should I do? - 15-year-old North Augusta girl

Here's what you had to say:

  • If he wants to have sex now and you don't want to, you shouldn't be with him. If you're a Christian and you're going to wait for marriage, you need to find someone who will abstain with you.
  • You shouldn't let that boy try to deprive you of your virginity ... you're supposed to make your own decisions.
  • I think if you don't want to have sex with him, don't, because it's your body and you don't have to do anything if you don't want to. And if he really liked you, he'd respect you and wait until you want to have sex ... don't let him pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.
  • I just got out of a similar situation, and it's better not to have sex with him, because you'll just regret it. I didn't have sex with my boyfriend and he dumped me, but he's the one who's turned out bad. ... Don't do it. You'll be happier, and it's so much better down the road, honestly.
  • I think you should go with your faith, because your religion is more important than just having sex with somebody. ... If he's trying to pressure you into having sex, he's not the one for you and you should wait until you're married.
  • As a Christian, I don't think you should. ... You ought to stand up for what you believe in. And if he thinks you should (have sex), I don't think he's the right one for you.
  • Do not have sex with anyone until you are ready. If he can't respect your morals, get rid of him. He's not worth it.
  • I think you should sit down with him and tell him that you're Christian and you're opposed to having sex before getting married. Talk with him and tell him that you are not ready for this.
  • I would say, in your beliefs, you should wait until you're married. If he doesn't respect that, break up with him. Because that's no way to get what he wants. No guy needs to be treating a girl like that.
  • I'm 19 years old and I'm a virgin, too. I'm saving myself. You should do the same thing.
  • Xtreme reporter Alisa DeMao says: First of all, before taking your religious beliefs into account, you absolutely should not be having sex just because it's what your boyfriend wants. If you're not ready to have sex, you shouldn't do it - the fact that you're uncertain enough to ask this question is an indication that you're not ready. If he cares about you, he'll respect what you want, not just care about what he wants.

    Secondly, don't compromise your religious beliefs for another person. A lot of people eventually do question some of their beliefs, but it should be because you're interested in examining your own faith. You should not be compromising your beliefs to make someone else happy.

    Another issue to consider is that you are under the age of consent, so if you have sex, it's illegal. He could be charged with statutory rape.

    You need to sit down and talk about your concerns, make him aware of your religious beliefs and let him know that you want those beliefs to guide your actions. He either has to respect what you want and be willing to work at the relationship within your guidelines, or the two of you have to realize you want different things and it might be better to end the relationship.

    NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM

    Ever since I had sex with my boyfriend, he's been asking for more. I thought it was a mistake, and I don't want to have it again. But I don't want to hurt his feelings and tell him I don't want to.

    Do you have any advice for this 15-year-old Hephzibah girl? Call the Advice Line at 442-4444 and press 8614. You'll have one minute to answer.

    Got a problem? Call 442-4444 and press 8613. You'll have one minute to give us your situation. Please speak clearly and state your age and the town you live in.

    You also can e-mail your problems to ademao@augustachronicle.com. Put "Advice Line" in the subject line. All e-mail addresses will be kept confidential. Questions may be condensed for space.