Originally created 06/14/02

So far this year, vacations have been smooth sailing



Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

- Groucho Marx

Ever had a bad vacation? You know, the kind we all stumbled into at one time or another.

Maybe we should have a contest to see who's had the worst - or at least the most humorous. If you can think of some vacation horror stories, why not send them to me.

Most vacationers, however, seem to be having a good time. We know because they're sending postcards.

Thad, Jan and Jared Williams of Martinez and Katie Crawford are on an Alaska cruise. They write: "We are still having a 'rough' ride, but it's fun. We are docking in Juneau this morning and plan to pan for gold."

Ken and Phyllis Badke write: "We are on the road to the Outer Banks. Then to Williamsburg. We are traveling with our daughter and grandson, Trisha and Andrew Sprouse."

The Smiths (Tony, Robin, Rachel, Carson and Megan) of North Augusta say "Hi" from Miami Beach. They write: "We are on our way to the western Caribbean on the Explorer of the Seas. We came down to Miami Beach a few days early to enjoy this unique city."

Gertie F. McElmurray of Jackson writes from Alaska: "Having a great time in Alaska. Beautiful, rainy, cool."

Gus and Bernice Miller of Augusta write from Beaufort, S.C., "Enjoying beautiful 'Low Country' on a well-deserved mini-vacation."

Carol and Don say they are finally on the road again. They write: "In the past week we have gone through Arkansas, Oklahoma and Kansas and are now in Nebraska. Brutally hot weather (101 degrees!)"

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TODAY'S JOKE: A redneck up in the hills telephoned his local sheriff. "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith," he said. "He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thanks for the tip," the sheriff said.

The next day, deputies swarmed over Billy Bob's house, searched the shed where he kept firewood, and using axes, burst open every piece. Unfortunately, they found no marijuana. Finally, they gave up their search, got in their cars and left.

A short time late, the phone rang at Billy Bob's house.

"Hey, Billy Bob, did the sheriff come by today?"

"He sure did," Billy Bob said.

"Did they chop all your firewood?"

"They sure did," Billy Bob said.

"Well," the man on the phone said, "Happy Birthday, buddy!"

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or bkirby@augustachronicle.com.