Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
- Dan Rather
I did a little bit of traveling over the weekend, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you that modern drivers are pushy, careless, inattentive and rude. And they're all of these things while driving at a lethal rate of speed.
I have not yet developed a consistent strategy for dealing with this.
I used to stay in the slow lane, locked into a legal limit by cruise control while letting the world rush by.
This is not as easy as it should be, however, because you keep coming up on even slower motorists, and you have to hit the brakes and the cruise control goes off, and then you have to wait for the five big trucks and 15 college kids to pass by on the left before you can swing out and pass.
My brother's theory - and he does this as standard operating procedure in Atlanta - is to get in the far left lane and drive faster than anyone else.
Unfortunately, this usually means going about 80-plus mph, a speed not only illegal but unsafe by most standards.
I invariably end up with a compromise version of both methods, which frustrates my two regular traveling companions.
My wife actually thinks I drive too slowly.
My 8-year-old thinks I should break down and buy a helicopter.
I tell him I'm thinking about it.
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TODAY'S JOKE: A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded: "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard and said, "Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"
Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or firstname.lastname@example.org.